grahamfacekillah

Another sombre day. The impact of my mom's stroke is looking rather disheartening. Pops is a drunk and she can't stand it, but she can't live on her own, now. She isn't her happy self because she is stuck with pops. SHe used to leave him every few years for most of my childhood, get an apartment for a year or so, decorate it with her wild and awesome framed artwork (hers as well as the greats and unknowns) hang out with her cat and dream of being free. She never had the balls to go thru with a divorce and now she is somewhat stuck at the house she helped build and maintain for so many years. She has her flowers, but I am the only one that looks after them and the weeds have become almost un-managable. I can't get my ass up to do more because my shitty job sucks out my life as well as the depression of losing lost ones and not being able to leave this shitty city.

I guess I will just "man-up" and quit being a moping pile of shit. I am working on getting my debts paid off, don't have rent to pay anymore and am going to get some motivational support from friends that I have neglected or distanced myself from since the demise of Graham. My mom will get a SS disability check soon and her insurance is covered for at least another few months (thank fucking god, cuz the $500,000 hospital bills got paid in full) Yeah by the way, fuck socialized health care! That is another topic and I am quite sick of political debates these days and don't really want to hear anyone else's opinion on any such matter.

Losing some of my best friends due to excessive drug use, alcohol, sheer spite and demeaning myself has really gotten me in a position of disbelief. Nothing ever goes according to plan, so plans should only be made as vague outlines for goals. Now I have goals and ambitions and dreams AGAIN! I am sick of being judged by my redneck extended family and do not need them in my life. I have always been looked at as a black sheep and dammit I like how I was living before all the bullshit hit the fan. You just got wipe that shit off, hose it down and let it dry out. Dump the fucktards "friends" and rebuild the relationships that are salvagable.

I had a talk with a once really close friend of mine while I was trippin my ballz off while he was Djing. I had been a total bitch to him ever since our regular DJ gig went sour and due to circumstance (more so the clubs than our disagreements) and "The Nightmare" was cancelled. When I saw him, I was like [P33] what the fuck is up with ya? This shit is bangin' bro! He looked at me and the look on his face made me almost start to cry. He was like "I am dying for you to hear the new mix I made, it is that crazy shit you'll flip! Fuck man, I've missed you."

That was shen I decided that my own faults of being a fuck-up were no excuse to lose close friends like that. No fucking way, just no FUCKING WAY! Getting my shit straight.

My bestest of best friends is comming to visit from NOLA and I am soo excited. Just talked to him on the fakebook and he said he had just started college, got a job and a car. I was like, holy fucking shit. I gotta get on the ball and go full throttle on this thing...LIFE!