graffiti_hunter

Note: I'm drunk and trying ti type......

So tonight I dispointed myself....
Even though I had a great night out with my roommate I let all of my enter issues control me. Once again I have scared myself. I can't say that i'm a cuter but I have the habit of reopening old scares.... it has been many years since I have striped my arm with cuts but tonight I did..... why because I'm sad. My meds are not doing very well at controling my depression and I needed to see a visible form of pain. i know it sounds stupid to most but I know that some you understand. I need to try and control this.....my job isn;t the best at dealing with people who have these kind of outbusts. ( I of course did this on my forarm so it is totally visiable ) I 'm not sure if I should up my meds and be zombie like or try and ride this out. Advice would be great but please try and be considerate.
I have many things going on at once and I'm having issues try to stay in control of it all. Much if it is out side of control but is still painful. I will be one of those people that will forever moron the loss of the parents. I lost them before I was ready. My father at 18 and my mother at 23. They were good people and miss them so much. It is usually now that that truelly moron thier deaths....and I seem to fall to pieces. Tonight is one of them...i love my friends but realize how much of my life that my parents missed. Then you and my job ( which I normally love ) and being homesick.....leads to bed behavors.
I don't know what to do with myself today except hope that tomorrow will be better....

Thanks for listening....