last night was one of the worst nights of my life. i was out with a guy who just happened to be one of HIS old friends. HE called me 10 times last night while I was out & HE never calls me. i was having a really good time getting to know Mike better. it seemed like we have a lot in common & he's really cool. i had a few white russians at wilhagan's & then we went to egan's...then everything turned to shit.
we decided to leave egan's when we both ran out of cigarettes, but Mike's car wouldn't start. we called a friend to come pick us up & take us to my car. when the friend arrived, we decided to go back to the party that he'd been at. before we left for the party, he delivered a bit of shocking news. he told me that he wanted to warn me that HE was at the party & holding hands with a 16-year-old girl. I was crushed. HE was supposed to be at work & now I find this out. as i drove to the party, i called HIS phone & HE answered & told me that he was hanging out & had gotten off work early. i asked if HE was hanging out with a girl & holding hands & he got mad & said no. just as Mike & i pulled up to the party, HIS car was swerving out of there & HE had taken the girl with him.
after that i couldn't enjoy anything for the rest of the night. suddenly i felt like i was going to puke. i couldn't stay at the party, so Mike & i went back to wilhagan's. i met my friend kelly there, but i didn't stay long. i was feeling sicker by the minute. i know it was some combination of white russians & anxiety that was getting to me. i told Mike i wanted to go & he let me drop him off somewhere.
from there i was on my way to pick up the kids from HIS mom's house, but i called HIM. i don't know why, but i thought maybe it would make me feel better. it didn't. i told him i was sick & begged him to ride with me to HIS mom's house. HE repeatedly said no. HE said HE was too angry at me & thought i was conspiring against HIM. HE told me to not come to HIS house. HE said that a lot, which made me realize that HE probably had that girl over there. so of course i went.
when i got to HIS house we were still on the phone. HE was still telling me not to come & i heard HIM tell chris to "get the lights". so i went to the front door & jimmied the lock. HE came to head me off from getting to the bedroom. i tried to get by HIM, but HE put me in a choke hold & threw me down on the floor. i was hysterical, crying, kicking, screaming. i tried again to make it to the bedroom where i knew the girl was & HE picked me up & forced me out the door, despite my best efforts to not let HIM. HE threw me down on the ground outside.
HE finally talked me into going to my car to talk & told me that the holding hands thing had been a lie, that there was a girl in the house but she was there with chris, & that HE was interested in a girl who was also interested in HIM & that she was 18 not 16. then i begged HIM for a while to ride with me to HIS mom's, but HE wouldn't. i suspect because HE didn't want to leave the girl there.
i was very sick at my stomach when i finally gave up & left HIS house. i went & picked up the kids & told HIS mom about my night. she doesn't understand why HE is acting this way either.
i left there & headed home. it was a long drive & suddenly those white russians hit me hard & i realized i was really too drunk to be driving, but it was too late. i was also sick & i was tired. i tried to call HIM to help me stay awake, but HE said something about a bad connection (even though i could hear HIM fine) & HE hung up. so i tried driving w/o HIM & i kept falling asleep for a second at a time. i had my precious babies in the car, so i knew i had to call someone who cared enough to talk me through it.
i called Michael. he talked me through the ride home & i made it safely. i got home & settled the kids in. i took a bath to try & feel better & wash away the terrible feelings & thoughts i had. it didn't really help. then HE called while i was in the bathtub & apologized for everything HE'd done & said. HE said HE knew it wasn't enough to just apologize & that HE could never make it up to me what HE'd done, but that HE was sorry. i was so stunned i couldn't really talk. HE told me goodnight & i went to bed, still clueless about HIM, still clueless about how i can still love HIM & want to be with HIM after everything. i feel weak...so weak.
we decided to leave egan's when we both ran out of cigarettes, but Mike's car wouldn't start. we called a friend to come pick us up & take us to my car. when the friend arrived, we decided to go back to the party that he'd been at. before we left for the party, he delivered a bit of shocking news. he told me that he wanted to warn me that HE was at the party & holding hands with a 16-year-old girl. I was crushed. HE was supposed to be at work & now I find this out. as i drove to the party, i called HIS phone & HE answered & told me that he was hanging out & had gotten off work early. i asked if HE was hanging out with a girl & holding hands & he got mad & said no. just as Mike & i pulled up to the party, HIS car was swerving out of there & HE had taken the girl with him.
after that i couldn't enjoy anything for the rest of the night. suddenly i felt like i was going to puke. i couldn't stay at the party, so Mike & i went back to wilhagan's. i met my friend kelly there, but i didn't stay long. i was feeling sicker by the minute. i know it was some combination of white russians & anxiety that was getting to me. i told Mike i wanted to go & he let me drop him off somewhere.
from there i was on my way to pick up the kids from HIS mom's house, but i called HIM. i don't know why, but i thought maybe it would make me feel better. it didn't. i told him i was sick & begged him to ride with me to HIS mom's house. HE repeatedly said no. HE said HE was too angry at me & thought i was conspiring against HIM. HE told me to not come to HIS house. HE said that a lot, which made me realize that HE probably had that girl over there. so of course i went.
when i got to HIS house we were still on the phone. HE was still telling me not to come & i heard HIM tell chris to "get the lights". so i went to the front door & jimmied the lock. HE came to head me off from getting to the bedroom. i tried to get by HIM, but HE put me in a choke hold & threw me down on the floor. i was hysterical, crying, kicking, screaming. i tried again to make it to the bedroom where i knew the girl was & HE picked me up & forced me out the door, despite my best efforts to not let HIM. HE threw me down on the ground outside.
HE finally talked me into going to my car to talk & told me that the holding hands thing had been a lie, that there was a girl in the house but she was there with chris, & that HE was interested in a girl who was also interested in HIM & that she was 18 not 16. then i begged HIM for a while to ride with me to HIS mom's, but HE wouldn't. i suspect because HE didn't want to leave the girl there.
i was very sick at my stomach when i finally gave up & left HIS house. i went & picked up the kids & told HIS mom about my night. she doesn't understand why HE is acting this way either.
i left there & headed home. it was a long drive & suddenly those white russians hit me hard & i realized i was really too drunk to be driving, but it was too late. i was also sick & i was tired. i tried to call HIM to help me stay awake, but HE said something about a bad connection (even though i could hear HIM fine) & HE hung up. so i tried driving w/o HIM & i kept falling asleep for a second at a time. i had my precious babies in the car, so i knew i had to call someone who cared enough to talk me through it.
i called Michael. he talked me through the ride home & i made it safely. i got home & settled the kids in. i took a bath to try & feel better & wash away the terrible feelings & thoughts i had. it didn't really help. then HE called while i was in the bathtub & apologized for everything HE'd done & said. HE said HE knew it wasn't enough to just apologize & that HE could never make it up to me what HE'd done, but that HE was sorry. i was so stunned i couldn't really talk. HE told me goodnight & i went to bed, still clueless about HIM, still clueless about how i can still love HIM & want to be with HIM after everything. i feel weak...so weak.
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why not hang out with Mike you seem to like him. maybe something more can come of that. i dunno hon. i know its difficult to let go and only you can do that. I hope things get better!
did ya find the cars and lion king disk????