gothikai

I'm trying not to get my or anyone else's hopes up; however, I am feeling quite laborious. Yes, I looked up the spelling on that one.

Last night, I dreamed of unattended births & waterbirths. The dreams are a blu, but I remember that the tone of the dreams was happy.

At one point in the wee hours of morning I remember feeling as though I had been hit with an energy beam or something & a wave of dizziness went through me. This was particularly strange because I was lying flat on my back at the time. Even that, in itself, was odd because I always sleep on my side (at least lately). I'm not sure how these strange occurrances could be relevant to anything in anyway, but I thought I'd document them for my purposes. After I felt the dizziness, I sat up instantly in bed. I looked around puzzled & then went back to sleep (on my side).

I awoke this morning around 9:30AM to the sound of Katana saying something about something that she had found & then once I was coherent enough to realize what she was saying, the phrase had changed to "I need a new diaper." That is one of the last things I wanted to hear first thing in the morning, especially since I was up all night with contractions...and of course I knew that this particular phrase usually has an underlying meaning. I was right. I looked down & there was her bare ass. She had pulled off the old diaper a bit prematurely I must say. So, I rolled out of the bed & picked up her diaper off my bedroom floor (full of pee) & told Katana to go get out the changing pad. As I was walking to her room, I'll be damned if I didn't step into a nice wet spot on the carpet in the intersection area of the hallway that converges in front of my bedroom, the bathroom, & Katana's rooms' doors. I wiped my foot off on the carpet & proceeded to put a new diaper on Katana while yelling for Gabriel to get out of bed & come help me. He kept yelling "What?" until I was practically screaming that Katana had peed the floor & I wanted him to help me clean it up. After all, why should I get up alone when he's off work today?

He finally got up & started looking for the pee spot. During this time I was taking the blankets & pillowcase off of Katana's urine-soaked bed. He couldn't find the pee & so started to doubt me. Sure I imagined that I stepped in pee. It was just a cold spot. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. He keeps saying to me "I can't find it." like I'm supposed to believe I just imagined the whole thing & I'm getting quite irritated at this point (having not even been able to go pee or brush my teeth yet). Finally he found it & cleaned it up (using a good hand towel, mind you, not a wet wipe or paper towel). Then our morning had begun.

I feel like I am writing a short story at this point, so read on if you like, or if not, don't forget to stop by the comment box. I don't get enough of those, you know...

I finally got to pee (which anyone who's ever been 10 months pregnant can tell you was quite a relief). I brushed my teeth & washed my face (which had eyeliner all over it) & I started a load of clothes in the washer (including Katana's bedding). Meanwhile Gabriel had gotten grumpy, too, & now we're at each others throat everytime one of us opens our mouth.

I made up our bed the same way I always do. His side first & then mine. If you ever saw our bed, you'd probably laugh or feel sorry for us. It's like we have turned a queen bed into 2 single beds. He has his 3 pillows. I have my 5 pillows. And we each have a separate comforter. His is folded in half on his side & mine is folded in half on my side. I actually have 2 for extra cushion. Plus I have a foam pad folded in half on my side also, so my side of the bed is about 5 inches taller than his. I know it looks quite odd, sad even.

Then I made my way to the kitchen (after grabbing 2 of Katana's cups from last night to wash). I provided Katana with a fresh cup of chocolate milk & went to the sink to wash dishes. Typically, I wash dishes between 5-6 times a day, I suppose. I washed up the dishes in the sink (there weren't too many this time).

Gabriel came into the kitchen & picked up the cell phone & told me that Ryan called last night. It sounded like he said Bryan, so I asked him "the guy you used to work with?" & he kept saying "RYAN", but it still sounded like "BRYAN" to me, but eventually I figured it out (but only after we had both gotten pissy about it). I grabbed the phone & checked the voicemail. It was Ryan saying that he wanted me to bring Katana to see him on Wednesday. That's cool. I'd love to. However, it's 2 days past my due date, & I think I'm in labor right now, so I don't think it will be possible. However, I don't know for sure. This could be more false labor.

Soon I was on the computer & I realized that I've been contracting all morning & these things seem to be getting more & mORe painful. I began to suspect I might be in labor. At first I thought that I wouldn't mention it to anyone online or to Gabriel, but then I heard him making lots of plans for the day, so I let him know what's up. He was skeptical of course after several false alarms. I know I have said the phrase "This could be it." on more than one occasion lately.

Then I noticed that Gabriel had a packed pipe in his hand & I asked him what it was knowingly. He invited me to join him for a little "wake & bake" & I decided to take him up on that offer. I knew that smoking would help me relax even further for the birthing process ahead. We smoked one bowl (during which I had another painful contraction or two) & then I felt much better & was back off to the bedroom to hit the computer.

I decided to go ahead & take care of whatever I needed to get done on the computer first thing, while I still could. So here I am, blogging my heart out (maybe writing the beginning of a birth story?).

Most people describe contractions as feeling like a wave. I would have to say for me it feels more like a bomb dropping & I can almost hear the sound effects. It's like gravity keeps getting heavier & heavier there (on my abdomen) & then the explosion (which is the peak of the contraction). And yet somehow, it is all so beautiful & perfect.

Physically, I'm dealing. Emotionally, I feel prepared & excited. I hope this is the real thing.

Now, the birthing pool is in place & inflated, but not filled with water yet. It's almost time for breakfast. To be continued...