goodlordyshorty

Its an odd thing when someone you care about is dying. I've watched my grandfather become such an empty being in the last year. This is'nt a woe is me journal, I just think it's kinda weird that this man that I could always look to for guidance or support has become someone I feel awkward around. I feel awkward because I know we are all waiting on him to die, because I know he is waiting to die. It's awkward because I dont look at him the same way I used to, I'm not able to find the same strength in him that I could before. I've never really dealt with death on a personal level, and I'm not handleing it very well. I'm okay with the fact that he is going to pass, I'm sure I'll be relieved actually. But the time I spend with him now, its awkward for me, and I know that he feels it. It makes me feel bad that I just cant shoot the shit with him like I did before. Or be straight with him like it always has been. He no longer questions what I do or how I'm doing. He's just gone already, just waiting and wanting to go. I know later on, when he's gone, I'm going to feel so bad that I let this time pass with the awkwardness there is between us. And I'm gonna feel bad about it and beat myself up about it. But even knowing this, I still cant seem to change it. Thats the hardest part. Okay, sorry for the sad journal.




Somebody else has my profile pic now! I guess I cant say much tho, I stole it from somebody else on another web site.