goodcore

I think its gotten to the point where I'm lonely to such a degree that it now affects my decisions when it comes to people. I just finished talking to someone I know I should never have spoken to again, in any way. She's immature and frustrating. But I spoke to her in hopes that it would in some way help me feel less lonely; either by patching together a friendship or something else. I don't know really.

Nothing happened but me sitting here feeling stupid and as lonely as I did prior to the conversation. Not to mention restarting the sadness and frustration I feel because this girl could be so much more than she is. In general, because she could be such a good person yet she still interacts with people at such a low level. Maybe since she really is nothing special she shouldn't bother me. I think she does because I want her to. I want her to be better, I want everyone to be better.

I just still have this hope in me that people can change the world by simply treating each other better and thinking of one another as people, no matter what differing beliefs (to a sane point) they may have. I truly hope I never lose that idea or what you'd like to label it. But it also means I get so angry, so frustrated by people when they're awful to each other. Part of the reason I can no longer stomach war, infidelity, hate speech, intolerance, racism, sexism, and other such human creations. Not that I ever could but now it truly hurts me to see it, be a part of it, or be able to do nothing about it.

I want to change the world and I have to start with myself. Another difficult thing. Reminds of that old Michael Jackson song, "Man in the Mirror," bad song, good message. Or as Miss Monroe Suicide puts it "Revolution begins when you look within."