"When the truth is found to be lies
and all the joy within you dies...
Don't you want somebody to love
Don't you need somebody to love
Don't you want somebody to love
Wouldn't you love somebody to love."

It takes Elton John and Guns & Roses to make me think twice about my OK-ness with the whole lovey dovey holiday thing. I admit, I am a fraud. I was in such a good mood earlier- I thought I was happy to be me as Just Goob. Then the radio with its songs of happy togetherness made me doubt myself.

"Don't complain that you need somebody,
don't complain that you need someone.
Don't complain that you need somebody.
You're not the only one.
You're not the only one."

I had a great time tonight watching movies and getting drunk with a single female friend of mine... we pretend that we're happy this way. It's fine when it works. Ah, crap. All I want is someone who loves me.

Fuck it. I'd rather be single than force a love that isn't real.



EDIT: This is where my valentine's evening took a twist. I posted the journal, started to change for bed, and got a text message... from my front porch. Surprise! A thoroughly enjoyable surprise. Kind of amusing to see the contrast "before" and "after". That last bitter line above sounds so stupidly dramatic to me. Below is the postscript I added just before going to sleep a few hours later. A little frustrated? Maybe, but pleasantly so.


oh god this is worse than before. i am terribly terribly unstable now. how will i sleep? oh god... not fair. torment me. terrible. oh my.

ha ha ha... in my attempt to be subtle I think I was too obscure. But I don't think I can come right out and talk about last night. Social ettiquette, you know? Heh... you know I have very few issues with privacy... but maybe he does. I posted more about the day in Nika's journal.