I've been craving fish lately. It's all I want to eat. Seafood, fresh, fried, sushi, broiled, tuna, anything. Maybe I'll buy some salmon on the way home to broil for dinner. Or perhaps I'll just hit up that one chinese place on campus for their cashew shrimp again.

A few years ago, I had a friend who was a bit older than me, maybe 8-10 years older. I met him at work, where he worked temporarily as a computer consultant. I was the receptionist in the afternoons, and I used to bring in a book to read every day. He always used to hit on me but I deflected his advances because he was kinda creepy with a mullet and bad glasses. But I was reading a lot of Heinlein in those days, and he had plenty to say about the books I was reading, so we started talking sometimes. He wanted to take me to dinner but I kept saying no. One day, my car was in the shop so I was taking the bus. I was outside waiting for the bus and he drove up to offer me a ride. His car, by the way, was this silver T-top pontiac, really hot shit. 2000 Trans Am, maybe? Something like that. Anyway, I figured it would be easier to accept a ride home than take the bus (which would take over an hour and a bit of a walk). He talked me into going to dinner with him... he said he'd pay.

This started a friendship that lasted for a few years. A couple times a month, we'd get together and go to dinner. Usually he paid, but sometimes I paid just to keep things sort of even. We went all over the place... usually we'd include a bit of driving in our dinner plans. Then we'd eat and talk and discuss whatever books we were reading, our work, anything going on in our lives. Sometimes he'd bring a friend or two, and sometimes I would. Occasionally we'd hang out at his house and read. He had a huge sci-fi collection. It was a great friendsip without anything sexual to screw it up. Sure, we talked about sex all the time and of course I flirt with everyone, but we had an understanding that we were just friends and nothing more.

Eventually I made the mistake of sleeping with him. At that point, it had been about a year since I'd had sex at all, so I guess I figured he was "safe" to have casual sex with. (he had cut off the mullet by then thanks to a girlfriend he had for a while.) But it barely lasted a few weeks before he overstepped his boundaries, got a little too grabby, and freaked me out. With that, the relationship ended. It's a shame... sure, he was a selfish chauvinist jerk when I slept with him, but we had a pretty good relationship as friends. I miss having dinner and talking all night.

What reminded me of him? If we were still friends, I'd give him a call and we'd go out for dinner, and I'd order fish. That was a pretty sweet deal. Good food and good conversation.

Okay, the chinese shrimp is calling me.

You know what? Telling the story of Paul has put

GUNS N' ROSES - ESTRANGED

in my head. We used to listen to it on repeat in his trans am with the roof out. It's a good memory.