godshatemachine

Well, to anyone whose noticed or cared, but I'm alive. I've been missing because alot of things have been going on in my life.

For one, I've gained and lost a girlfriend. She was a sweet girl named Megan. And I loved her. But because both of our live were a mess, she decided to end it. And IN the long run, it was the right thing to do. But she is acting very strangely. She won't ever make contect with me now. And this is an ex, the only one ever, that I actually want to be friends with still. I'm frustrated to the point I'm going to swear off girls.

As with school, I fucked that up. My parents, bless them, have no more money to cover my school. So I'm going to be spending now to the end of the year to try and find money to cover two class worth of expenses. I'm sure I will but I need to put forth the effort to find it.

Thats been the biggest thing right now for me. Trying to take more control of my life, find some motivation and ambition. I need to get in me the desire to become independent, to become an adult. I need to stop being a pushover, a pussy. I need to stand up for myself more and stand up more for what I believe in. I preach and rant and yet I'm nothing of what I think other people should be. In the past few months, I've learned much humility and I realize that the only person I need to answer to is myself. That I can't control other people nor should i care that much about the lives of others, save my very close friends.

I have alot of work still ahead of me. But at least I see that now. And I'm ready to move forward.