Dear Morning shift,

I can already tell waking up to be at you before 8am is not my cup of tea.

I feel even though this is a one time favor of sorts, I shall give you the rundown in all fairness.

Please excuse the incredibly unhealthy amount of coffee I shall drink upon arriving and through most of the shift.

Customers and coworkers of said establishment, be forewarned, telling me to smile no matter how cleverly you try to put it may result in my foot getting lodged in your ass.

Do not expect an employee efficiency level above 70% from me until at least noon, my normal time to wake up, even then, it only bumps up to an 85% max.

Do expect me to be quite ready to leave exactly at the end of my shift, so asking if I mind staying a little extra to "help out"... well just reference my rule about smiling.

I feel these few but important details shall make our time together today as pleasant and safe for all involved.

Not So Sincerely Yours,

Goats