i know he's gonna read this and that's ok. i don't know how else to let him know.
every night when i lie in bed next to him i try so hard to stop myself wishing he could just be gone now. it's more painful having him here sometimes, knowing he'll leave, knowing he doesn't love me enough to stay, knowing every time he said he did was passing whimsy.
i don't know why i keep forgetting how to stay hard.
and these thoughs ebb away and are replaced with such love and such longing. but they always come back.
i wonder if what i presume is right. i think he needs more fun, more change than any one person could ever give him. i hope it's not me. i know he loves the city, his friends there, he's shy, he barely talks to mine. i don't want to drag him somewhere to suffer.
which one of us is being selfish? which one of us is being childish and naive?
and it's so difficult knowing he'll go back and he'll fuck danielle. and maybe even date her for a while. and i once was a rock, now i am sand sifting down through the sea.
every night when i lie in bed next to him i try so hard to stop myself wishing he could just be gone now. it's more painful having him here sometimes, knowing he'll leave, knowing he doesn't love me enough to stay, knowing every time he said he did was passing whimsy.
i don't know why i keep forgetting how to stay hard.
and these thoughs ebb away and are replaced with such love and such longing. but they always come back.
i wonder if what i presume is right. i think he needs more fun, more change than any one person could ever give him. i hope it's not me. i know he loves the city, his friends there, he's shy, he barely talks to mine. i don't want to drag him somewhere to suffer.
which one of us is being selfish? which one of us is being childish and naive?
and it's so difficult knowing he'll go back and he'll fuck danielle. and maybe even date her for a while. and i once was a rock, now i am sand sifting down through the sea.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
sand turns to granite after many years of being compressed. and when it is fully formed..
it is hard to break...and even harder to carve.
you don't need to be shaped. you are who you want to be. this is a trend that is best left to continue. keep smiling through whatever is given to you, you'll need the practice for later when you really want to use it.
i think that your entry was well thought, although, i have to admit, i hope you tried your best while you were there and with him, rather than worry about what had happened previously. understanding is what keeps us different from the beasts, that and intellect. those to elements make the most powerful of foes. don't let one rule the other.
*big hugs*
happiness to you,
mark