I've thrown myself into a love triangle between who I was, who I am, and various boys that come along. Sadly the first few weeks of school I feel I've retained almost nothing. I blame this partly on my inability to focus on reading when there are so many fun activities abound, and also partly on feeling like I'm in school mode. I'm used to having a month break for winter and this winter it was only a half a month. I have been cancelling appointments and focusing on what is important before mid-terms approach. I'll likely be making flashcards all next week so if I'm in the chat give me a scream and tell me to make flashcards 
There's this cyclist guy I met and he seems really amazing, funny, sweet.. all great attributes. He's already graduated from UCSC and currently between jobs so he has a lot of time to hang out with me and -ahem- engage in activities. Who I'd like to call "Naughty Sex Shannon" has been on a rise since I stopped taking birth control. She used be around when I was 18-19. Lack of relationships, always having sex, and feeling sorry for herself. Thank GOD I HAVE A SEX DRIVE AGAIN from stopping the BC. However this leads me into bad places. He's already told me that he doesn't want to be in a monogymous relationship. My head tells me, wow... okay bye. But my body screams he is sooo gorgeous and delicious and caring and blah blah. And then my body convinces me that having sex with him will lead into a relationship. He's often saying such sweet things about who I am, not about things we do together... So she's back. The girl that has sex with people but wants a relationship that never comes. I hated that girl because she had such little confidence despite the beauty she felt when a guy told her that going down on her was the highlight of his day. Maybe I should get back on the pill and supress my human tendencies. Maybe I should learn some fucking self control. Maybe I should sworn off men and focus on females who understand the meaning of commitment and won't confuse the fuck out of me without knowing what I'm going through.
Girl's Night In tonight. I need a break from all this craziness. Drunk, happy, perfection and NO MEN!! (cept Ryan)
There's this cyclist guy I met and he seems really amazing, funny, sweet.. all great attributes. He's already graduated from UCSC and currently between jobs so he has a lot of time to hang out with me and -ahem- engage in activities. Who I'd like to call "Naughty Sex Shannon" has been on a rise since I stopped taking birth control. She used be around when I was 18-19. Lack of relationships, always having sex, and feeling sorry for herself. Thank GOD I HAVE A SEX DRIVE AGAIN from stopping the BC. However this leads me into bad places. He's already told me that he doesn't want to be in a monogymous relationship. My head tells me, wow... okay bye. But my body screams he is sooo gorgeous and delicious and caring and blah blah. And then my body convinces me that having sex with him will lead into a relationship. He's often saying such sweet things about who I am, not about things we do together... So she's back. The girl that has sex with people but wants a relationship that never comes. I hated that girl because she had such little confidence despite the beauty she felt when a guy told her that going down on her was the highlight of his day. Maybe I should get back on the pill and supress my human tendencies. Maybe I should learn some fucking self control. Maybe I should sworn off men and focus on females who understand the meaning of commitment and won't confuse the fuck out of me without knowing what I'm going through.
Girl's Night In tonight. I need a break from all this craziness. Drunk, happy, perfection and NO MEN!! (cept Ryan)