gnerval

I've been researching Borderline Personality Disorder, which the ex- shows classic symptoms of, but not in order to contact her, diagnose her, or advise her to seek therapy but to come to terms with the relationship, all the damage it's caused, & to take care of myself. It's been somewhat comforting to know I'm not alone in dealing with being in love with a Borderline as much as it's comforting to see that other people have dealt with the same feelings & their attempts to break free of the relationship & recover.

I can understand Borderline Personality intellectually but emotionally I have quite a ways to go. But I do realize I show classic symptoms of co-dependency: forgiving or excusing her behavior, believing that she loved me & wanted to work on things, walking on eggshells so as not to trigger another episode of push/pull. There's also that tendency to be sucked into such a bi-polar & unhealthy relationship--the highs are so high (especially sexually) they are addiciting, but why I put up with her indecision, her impulsive behavior, & her mood swings is something I need to figure out. I can say with certainty that I love her & care about her, but that does not mean I should have ever stayed in such an unstable relationship.

I'm joining a "People Who Love Borderlines"-type support group, which I hope will keep me grounded & on the way to recovery.