glassdragon

So, last night I had another.....incident.
same as on Saturday.
this is really REALLY starting to scare me/piss me off now...seriously
I don't like the feeling of "not right" inside my own head....
I don't like wondering when its going to happen again....and how bad it will be when it does.

I've been lucky so far, the three times it has happened I've been at home.
I cried myself to sleep.
I woke up and cried some more.

I want answers, but then again...I'm scared to know anything...
it could be nothing...or it could be something.....fuck


we went and saw the apartment last night.
its beautiful. I love it. but I left with the feeling of total hopelessness. he's already shown the place to AT LEAST four other people.....it was posted two days ago.
its a great place, cheap and in a fantastic area.
its a dream house...perfect for us.....but it'll never happen.

Part of me kinda hopes that we don't get it, because I love this place so much. I love my landlord, my neighbors. everything about this place feels like HOME. but its too small for us now.

I don't know what to think or feel about anything anymore.
I feel hopeless....
I feel depressed....
and I feel scared....

tears just come so fucking easily when you have everything to fear.....