glassdragon

I wish my updates were a little more happy, but when you're constantly in a sate of limbo, more downs than ups. Its hard to stay positive all the time.
I wish things were easy, but the again, life would be kinda boring if it was I suppose.

me and graham are in this internal battle when it comes to moving to a bigger place. we both KNOW we need more space. more space = more space to breathe, not always in each others hair, just room for comfort. but the problem is, we love this place so fucking much. our landlord is the coolest and nicest person we've ever met. he's been SUPER understanading in this whole situation of me not working and graham being in between jobs....
he's given us a "line of credit" when it comes to our rent....which I HATE having to do...I really do...but he said that he'll use our last months to compensate and that as long as we dont owe him more than that amount per month we're ok.
I hope to have that out of the way soon....I really do..its so stressful owing such a kind person money
I've sent off my resume to a few places....haven't heard back yet...we'll see, its the weekend, who knows maybe i'll get a call on monday...I hope....

Graham starts his new job on Monday. I'm really happy for him he's finally going to be making the money he deserves. plus he is getting really good benefits to top it off.
Our relationship has always been kidna weird, I dont know why he loves me so much...or why he's so willing to fight tooth and nail to keep me by his side. I can be so overbearing sometimes...I dont know what he see's in me...in US that makes him put up with it sometimes....

I have this flaw....its a nasty one...when i'm upset, I'll say anything, ANYTHING ...just to hurt that person. I dont necessarily mean what I say, but the fact that I say it non the less is bad enough.....

I'm so quick to scream at him about his flaws....but so naive to notice my own sometimes....

I just want things to be normal again....
I want to go back to work somewhere...earn SOMETHING...so i dont feel like a complete loser anymore.....
I hate how money stresses people out so bad...its truly distressing....


anyways....i dont think anyone will read this much rambling...and if you do, thank you for reading my uneasy thoughts.
I've been losing grip on things rapidly these days and honestly...even though we dont "know" each other....you people (you know who you are) have helped me more than you can know.....

thank you, you're more true than some people I know in the flesh...dont change.