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glamerdork

born in Jersey, college in Chicago.

Member Since 2002

Followers 284 Following 90

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Saturday Apr 23, 2005

Apr 23, 2005
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Alright, now that I have a subscription I'm not paying for, I have this must update every once in a while sort of guilt. So here I am, updating...

Yesterday, I went to see my psych and she finally decided to perscribed me meds. I'm only supposed to use them when I feel anxious, so we'll see how that works (considering I always feel anxious, lol.)

A lot of shit came up at yesterday's session. This psych is really good, but she's just too expensive. I can't believe how much $ I owe her! Hopefully, insurance will cover some of it, but I'm kind of freaking out now because of what I owe her. Thank goodness I now have xanax to calm me down. Sad, eh?

In other news, life is pretty good. I'm heading out to DC next weekend to visit my boyfriend for his birthday and to check out housing options for the summer. I'm getting a little nervous about that, just because DC seems to be the type of city that has good neighborhoods that are $$$ and then neighborhoods I can both afford and get mugged/rapped/murdered in. Two for the price of one, what a great deal!

Seriously, though, I really want to find a place with some cool roomies in a relatively safe area, etc, etc. I'm only going to be there from mid-June until the end of August, but still. A lot of murder can happen during that time.

I wish I had the kind of boyfriend who really wanted to spend lots and lots of time with me. I think it would piss me off if I was dating a guy who was codependent and really wanted to spend ALL his time with me, but it would be nice to have someone who really would like the fact that I'd enjoy crashing at his place, oh, 4 nights a week. I don't have to live there-- and I wouldn't even want to live there (I need my space), but I guess I just really want to feel like my bf wants me around... especially after doing this long-distance thing for a year... we're finally going to be in the same city and I just know he's going to want to see me maybe once or twice a week. And when we do see each other, now it's going to be like, great to see you, now we can return home to our own spaces.

It's so damn weird that his mom has the same name as my sn on here. I picked this sn long before I met him, but these things just freak me out. Plus if for some reason his mother ever saw this site, well, i think it would seem a little disrespectful that I was using her name... weird.

Anyway, at my psych appointment yesterday, I came to terms with the fact that my parents never really cared about me. They certainly cared about me superficially, but not once did I feel like they actually cared about how I felt, how I was doing, etc. Guess that's enough to fuck a kid up.

Even now, talking to my dad on the phone, he's all like- well, you have to look for a full time job with health benefits, you have to learn how to be responsible. While I understand that there is much truth to that, I am fortunate enough to have money in savings and I think that there is much worth to the investment of interning for little money while hopefully building up my credentials so I can one day support myself without the help of my piggy bank. He doesn't get that, though. He doesn't care about my happiness, he just wants me not to be poor & homeless, which, again, relates to happiness, but-- making lots of $ won't make me happy either.

I don't know what I'm doing with my life, but Xanax helps me deal with that, I guess. Even though now I'm kind of relaxed... I think saturday mornings are a "natural xanax"-- i feel so lazy, though. It's already 10:30am and I really have a ton of stuff to get done today.

At least I'm not tired. But I am hungry. I'm off to see if I have any food. I'm thinking a breakfast of peanut butter will do.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
lovebuzz2:
Thanks! Youre so fuckin' sweet! My boyfriend is gonna be my photographer. I know that he's not a professional and all but I know he can do it. I just have to think of a cool theme. Any ideas that would be good for me?
Apr 24, 2005
t_a_e:
what's up
It sucks that your boyfriend seems so shallow. Anyway I grew up like 20 minutes outside of D.C. and yeah there are parts that are pretty messed up but there are nice areas also there are areas that are a bus ride away in Maryland and in Virginia.May you have an great week and write back if you get a chance or just need someone to talk to.
-Peace
Apr 25, 2005

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