If you've been reading my diary for any decent length of time, you know very well that it takes a lot to get me mad. I give people more chances than they'd get if they were a monopoly gameboard, yet some people still just pry on my nerves. It doesn't help matter that this time it happened to be my boyfriend who pushed my buttons. Okay, so I admit I'm not perfect. But he seems to think that everything is my fault-- and I HATE that. It's stupid, really...
but--
He works a lot. He's a server at a resturaunt and he usually ends up working friday, saturday, sunday, monday with tuesday and thursday off (wednesday occasionally is free also). So basically I'm expected to put my life on hold on the nights he has off when he wants to come down and visit because-- well-- that's when he can. And if I don't eagerly respond to his requests to see me, he just assumes that I don't CARE about him. Fuck that. Shawne was right when she told me he was distracting from school. Yea-- so tonight is fucking "fat tuesday" and "we" were invited to this party/feast thing... so he called and left a message telling me about it. Ummm...
except I told him the other day that even though he didn't have work tuesday, wednesday and thursday night, I probably couldn't hang out much because I have a lot of shit to get done before the end of the quarter. I know I put most of it off but now it's time to get down to business and I don't want to fail!
So i'm talking to him on the phone after I get out of weather and climate and I say how tonight really isn't so good... maybe I can see him tomorrow (wednesday night) - so he has the NERVE to make some comment about how "oh *hazel* can't see me tonight but tomorrow maybe she could fit me in to her pretty little schedule..."
OH MY GOD.
I don't complain about how he works all the time. I know he needs the money. Okay, so the other day he told me he didn't really need the money-- but he uses it to "take me out places" and to pay for gas to come see me. Well I told him I'd split the gas bill... I can pay for myself at dinner. I'd rather have the time to spend with HIM! But no-- he's too much of a man for that? Oh... but when I can't spend a tuesday night out to all hours when I have class at nine the next morning, that means I don't care.
Whatever.
I'm sick of this. I haven't been feeling well lately-- i'm worried about the whole pcos thing... things related to it-- my back is sore, finals are just around the corner, I'm changing majors, trying to figure out what i'm doing next year-- trying to pursuade others to think i'm good enough to be an assistant on XYZ theatrical role/production and...
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I can't deal with Chris' bullshit right now. God, I care about him so much but if he doesn't stop it with these guilt trips soon I'm gonna have to do something drastic
he just doesn't understand. He thinks I'm taking too many classes. He doesn't get it.
School isn't about having fun!
It's about learning as much as possible. I've got an entire life to have FUN... to work and then have "not work" time. college is all work. Play-- on the weekends. Fuck, I'd love to go out on the weekends. But on friday nights when I'm all ready to go somewhere, I know he has work. So even when there is a party I stay home... I'd rather see him, but I know I can't...
URRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
yea, so after he made that comment about me fitting him in to my "pretty little schedule' I started to try to fight back with "you work all the time and I don't complain" but then he said "i wasn't complaining... i know you have work to do" and I was just so frustrated that I hung up. Uhh- yea, so now he's gonna be pissed at me for a while. You know what? Fine. Let him be pissed. IF he wants to break up with me over this then -- fine! I don't want to break up with him because I like him a lot and I care about him and all that stupid shit that makes me stay even when I shouldn't.
He just expects too much of me. I'll never be a good enough girlfriend for him.
Fuck this. If he's 24, then why does he act like he's 2? Do I really need to find an 80 year old to date?
Does anyone know of any speed date events in the chicago area at a local nursing home?
but--
He works a lot. He's a server at a resturaunt and he usually ends up working friday, saturday, sunday, monday with tuesday and thursday off (wednesday occasionally is free also). So basically I'm expected to put my life on hold on the nights he has off when he wants to come down and visit because-- well-- that's when he can. And if I don't eagerly respond to his requests to see me, he just assumes that I don't CARE about him. Fuck that. Shawne was right when she told me he was distracting from school. Yea-- so tonight is fucking "fat tuesday" and "we" were invited to this party/feast thing... so he called and left a message telling me about it. Ummm...
except I told him the other day that even though he didn't have work tuesday, wednesday and thursday night, I probably couldn't hang out much because I have a lot of shit to get done before the end of the quarter. I know I put most of it off but now it's time to get down to business and I don't want to fail!
So i'm talking to him on the phone after I get out of weather and climate and I say how tonight really isn't so good... maybe I can see him tomorrow (wednesday night) - so he has the NERVE to make some comment about how "oh *hazel* can't see me tonight but tomorrow maybe she could fit me in to her pretty little schedule..."
OH MY GOD.
I don't complain about how he works all the time. I know he needs the money. Okay, so the other day he told me he didn't really need the money-- but he uses it to "take me out places" and to pay for gas to come see me. Well I told him I'd split the gas bill... I can pay for myself at dinner. I'd rather have the time to spend with HIM! But no-- he's too much of a man for that? Oh... but when I can't spend a tuesday night out to all hours when I have class at nine the next morning, that means I don't care.
Whatever.
I'm sick of this. I haven't been feeling well lately-- i'm worried about the whole pcos thing... things related to it-- my back is sore, finals are just around the corner, I'm changing majors, trying to figure out what i'm doing next year-- trying to pursuade others to think i'm good enough to be an assistant on XYZ theatrical role/production and...
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I can't deal with Chris' bullshit right now. God, I care about him so much but if he doesn't stop it with these guilt trips soon I'm gonna have to do something drastic
he just doesn't understand. He thinks I'm taking too many classes. He doesn't get it.
School isn't about having fun!
It's about learning as much as possible. I've got an entire life to have FUN... to work and then have "not work" time. college is all work. Play-- on the weekends. Fuck, I'd love to go out on the weekends. But on friday nights when I'm all ready to go somewhere, I know he has work. So even when there is a party I stay home... I'd rather see him, but I know I can't...
URRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
yea, so after he made that comment about me fitting him in to my "pretty little schedule' I started to try to fight back with "you work all the time and I don't complain" but then he said "i wasn't complaining... i know you have work to do" and I was just so frustrated that I hung up. Uhh- yea, so now he's gonna be pissed at me for a while. You know what? Fine. Let him be pissed. IF he wants to break up with me over this then -- fine! I don't want to break up with him because I like him a lot and I care about him and all that stupid shit that makes me stay even when I shouldn't.
He just expects too much of me. I'll never be a good enough girlfriend for him.
Fuck this. If he's 24, then why does he act like he's 2? Do I really need to find an 80 year old to date?
Does anyone know of any speed date events in the chicago area at a local nursing home?
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
I dont think my standard "I know how you feel and I've been there before" will make you feel one bit better. So I will say instead something just as unhelpful "This too will pass."
I predict 1. Either you two will make up and live happily everafter because you eventually figured out how to balance your lives and make things work despite many differnces. or 2. your diverging lives will take its toll and you will find some guy with dentures who wont demand so much work and will be perfect for you. Either way I hope you find happiness.
PCOS? I know it sounds funny but I swear I was JUST discusing that topic with Poppysprite in her journal. That and how idiotic doctors can be. I can only guess the frustration you may have if you have had any experiences similar to hers, but there is help, even some great support groups online and hope for treating it.
Can you sy " alot on my plate right now?" I just hope you may find some moments of serenity or even fun in between the heavy course load, demanding boys, weekend parties, and discouraging diagnoses.
[Edited on Mar 04, 2003]
but I have reconsidered and say now that some guys NEVER mature.