glamerdork

today i took out my nose ring. i know this sounds very anti-sg, or something, but to me it was kind of freeing. i had gotten it pierced when i felt i had grown up, when i had moved on to a new phase of my life. well, lately, i realized I hadn't actually moved on to anything at all then-- i needed something to make me feel like i had moved on. but now-- i think i'm taking a step forward. or a step somewhere. so it's gone. and now there is a black dot on my nose. i hope it heals decently. anyway. tonight i met a guy from craigslist. he's nice and i think we might be able to become friends. then i went to see a play to review for the school paper. tomorrow night, another play. exciting. sometimes it's frustrating to have to write critique after critique of plays that i can't quite find extremely bad or extremely good, and am afraid all my reviews start sounding the same. but at least i get to see a lot of free theatre. it really amazes me how much theatre there is in this city- a storefront theatre seems to be hiding in every nook and cranny. can't help but love it.

today in directing theories we were discussing Craig-- I spoke too little, then spoke too much. When I start talking about what theatre "should" be... well, it's kind of hard to stop me. Eh. I'd really like to see a "craig styled" show-- because it's hard to imagine it in my head.

time is ticking by... 2 days and 1 month until I'm 21... 7 months until I graduate from college with a BFA and a big wide eyed guise of terror drawn on my face.

Where do I go from here? Isn't that the question I've always been asking? Sadly, I know what I *want* to do-- it's just the question of whether that is a possibility or not. I want to direct. Period. I want to create theatre that moves people. That tells stories. That brings in various other artforms. That isn't so fucking stuck up that it can't associate itself with every other artform that ever was thought of and ever will be thought of on this planet.

too fucking insecure is what i am. it's my tragic flaw, the trait leading to my downfall...

my anthro teacher was really nice to me today, she said that i'm a smart young woman and that I just need more confidence. A smart young woman. I've always felt like I was a girl.. but I think... I think I really have finally grown up. And despite the current state of emotional chaos I'm in, I feel like i'm finding myself. It's a good feeling.