I just want some stability in my life. To feel I can trust someone... maybe even to fall in love. I don't even believe in love, in its spiritual sense, anyway- but I want to feel cared about. And I want to care about that person more than anything in the world. Hopless Romantic is just another word for psychopath-- this need to feel entirely devouted to one other person-- this falling apart, shattering when the fantasy you've created for yourself has been destroyed. Everyone goes through broken hearts and moves on, so I guess we've all got a little crazy inside of us-- we all get hurt when our expectations aren't met. What expectations are healthy from a relationship? How can one let themself be vulnerable and yet be fully prepared to be hurt at any moment? -- It seems impossible to have such a thing as a 'heathly relationship.' I just want someone to tell me I'm beautiful, and to mean it. To inspire me. Someone to make life worth living. I guess that's where I turn crazy, because I'm so damn codependent-- I mean, I can be happy when I'm single, but then once I'm dating someone-- either I don't let myself get close and I pretend the other person does not have feelings or I do let myself get close, and then I get hurt... because... i guess what i'm really asking for is this reciprical obsession. And I know, I know that's not healthy. Just reading that sounds quite far from healthy indeed. Growing up with an abusive father, I don't know what love should be. So I'm lost... here... with a broken heart. I want someone to be able to read my mind- to do things for me without me having to ask. Not bring me flowers or chocolates or anything- but just to-- really show they care. Because I have such a hard time trusting people... and each time I fall apart it becomes harder and harder. I don't know if there is a solution for this- I go to a therapist once a week and she knows how screwed up I am. But-- it's how I was raised. It's such an intregal part of who I am now. Maybe I can change- but I don't know. I just don't know. 
VIEW 13 of 13 COMMENTS
cruelty:
Well, you claim to sing musical theater songs in your room while your current crush is Apnea. If you're as crazy as they come, then I'm driving the fucking bus... 
cruelty:
Uhm, maybe. There's a crazy bum by my apt. on the corner of Clark and Diversey, and he's my first stop. So if that counts as Lincoln Park (technically it is), I'll be in the neighborhood. 