glamerdork

Updating again-

Staying over my friends house-- finally-- a chance to go online w/ a high speed internet connection and some privacy. I added a lot of people on the waiting list for SGchicago-- anyone with a decent journal got added. People with profiles saying "i'm lost" or I'm from "canada" or any other area not near chicago did not get added at the moment. I need more time to e-mail everyone and ask them all why they're trying to join. Some people just like to be a part of every freaking group. Anyway...

So I'm crushing on one of my professors. He's older than me and apparently has a girlfriend and- of course nothing will come of it. Nothing ever comes of my crushes. I'd like to find someone like him though- one day. I'm such a fucking romantic dork. I'm totally the type who will melt if you take me out to the lake one night for no particular reason... I don't want flowers or fancy dinners. I just want someone to talk to.

Someone to talk to WITHOUT the aid of pot or alcohol.

See- that's the problem- anyone with a decent mind seems to either be a pothead/alcoholic OR super pretentious/egotistic-- isn't there anyone out there who enjoys life without needing to escape it? Geez.

I wish I could... I don't know... seduce people or something. Well, people singular. Seduce is such a naughty word. Something outside of the vocabulary of what my personality is capable of doing. I think I'm attracted to him because he appreciates my mind. (I mean, I'm attracted to him because I definitely appreciate his mind. But because he respects my thought process... the mutual respect causes me to think... gee... maybe there is a guy (or girl) out there who I can connect with on this intellectual level *AND* be attracted to physically- yada yada.

I'm too picky, I know. And I'm not the type to approach people I'm interested in... so I either end up with the pompous assholes or... well... no one. Usually it's no one.

Alright, that's enough whining for now. I've got a directors notebook to get working on. Even tho my professor may never think of me in sorta way...

I'd like to retain his current respect for my mentality. Why? Because he appreciates the way I think... he's not asking me to change it to "fit in" with what a "good director" should be. It's not like when I was a costume design major and in order to be good at that I had to throw my thought process out the window and limit myself to thinking in a way that didn't come natural to me. It seems that my mind is somewhat suited for directing (or at least my professor thinks so)-- though I never take his opinions too seriously-- first of all, it's not productive to get a big ego just because one director thinks that I'd be a good director and secondly, I've never directed anything yet-- so my "directors notebook" for woyzeck led him to telling me, "if you don't become a director you will be depriving this world of something very important." --

I think that's pushing it. Lol. It's nice to hear though... but it's almost too-- too much for my first directors notebook. Then again, it's nice to be doing homework for a nurturing professor instead of ones who are always trying to beat you down and see if you can stand the conservatory setting-- I hate it here. But I love it here. I just want to be a director...

I think the most important thing about being a director is that you must love all of your characters unconditionally. You must be a mother to them, a lover, a friend, a son, etc- I'm not just talking the protagonist here. You must love everyone- even the one who seems to be the most evil or "antagonistic"-- because characters are human (unless the playwright specifically wants them to be played otherwise) and all humans act one way because of a quantitative result of their life experiences.

Anyway, this entry is getting way too long. I never update anymore, so I guess that's okay... for those of you who still actually read my journal... this will cover the next couple weeks/months/years until I can get myself to a private computer again.