Eh. Today was different than the other day. But not so different that I suddenly have stopped this ridiculous attraction. Unfortunately. She used some of the words I submitted in the script for the benefit. I think she respects me. Sort of. I know she doesn't like me. Even though it's not as obvious as with the other staff members, there is certainly a very thinly drawn line in her mind dividing the "youth" and "adults"-- but it is verymuchso there. Understandably. I feel like a such a creep. I hate feeling like a stalker. I'm not even... I think everyone has those moments, though... where you just want to get to know someone else but because of certain rules placed on predefined roles, you just can't... and then... it becomes this silly infatuation that leads no where. I really felt like a dumbfuck today-- waiting around-- how obvious do I have to make myself? How creepy do I have to be before I'm satisfied with realizing that this is pointless and I should just end whatever I'm feeling right now-- otherwise it's just going to be high school all over again. And I don't want that. I certainly don't want that.
Maybe after she sees me in that dress at the benefit... I just need to femme up and .. at least perhaps I can have her momentarily objectifying me as a hot sexy woman instead of an emotionally disturbed yet funny in unique/odd sort of way little girl...
I need to do laundry. But I'm going to sleep. Good night.
Maybe after she sees me in that dress at the benefit... I just need to femme up and .. at least perhaps I can have her momentarily objectifying me as a hot sexy woman instead of an emotionally disturbed yet funny in unique/odd sort of way little girl...
I need to do laundry. But I'm going to sleep. Good night.
Point is, you're already doing better than a lot of people.