It's amazing how much better I feel after some coffee and a cigarette.
Yesterday was bad. I can't deal with this stupid mood swingy-ness. I need structure. And discipline. Everything seems to fall down around me on a daily basis. I don't know what's wrong with me. I wish that someone could just tell me that I'm crazy. I eat right now.. I don't smoke an ass ton of cigarettes like I used to.. I exercise.. And yet, I constantly feel my brain giving out.
I went to the doctor last week and they found a lump in my breast. So I followed through, went to the doctor again, got an ultrasound because apparently I'm too young to have a mammogram (they tell me it could actually bring cancer into my body at such a young age). The doctor told me it wasn't cancerous but it could be a tumor they don't know.. So that's exciting. I'm just so incredibly relieved that it wasn't cancerous. =]
And then life goes on.
I tried to start birth control to see if that would help my moods and whatnot but it actually caused me to be psycho and I don't think I can handle that at this moment. I apologized to my brother for being a complete bitch last night. =[ I hate that. I feel like I'm uncontrollable at times. I just want to feel semi-normal.
A seven year long pipe dream..
Yesterday was bad. I can't deal with this stupid mood swingy-ness. I need structure. And discipline. Everything seems to fall down around me on a daily basis. I don't know what's wrong with me. I wish that someone could just tell me that I'm crazy. I eat right now.. I don't smoke an ass ton of cigarettes like I used to.. I exercise.. And yet, I constantly feel my brain giving out.
I went to the doctor last week and they found a lump in my breast. So I followed through, went to the doctor again, got an ultrasound because apparently I'm too young to have a mammogram (they tell me it could actually bring cancer into my body at such a young age). The doctor told me it wasn't cancerous but it could be a tumor they don't know.. So that's exciting. I'm just so incredibly relieved that it wasn't cancerous. =]
And then life goes on.
I tried to start birth control to see if that would help my moods and whatnot but it actually caused me to be psycho and I don't think I can handle that at this moment. I apologized to my brother for being a complete bitch last night. =[ I hate that. I feel like I'm uncontrollable at times. I just want to feel semi-normal.
A seven year long pipe dream..
am begining to think feling normal is going to be the hardest, and maybe the most unsettling feeling to achieve
want to be out of control, throw everything away and burn everything down
don't know how to be normal and be happy at the moment..