Beware of my random and lengthy blog. XD
I really miss how I used to not care. About what I did or how I dressed or what I said. Now it's like I censor myself so much in different ways. Wayyyyy deeper than what you're thinking about. Yeah I'm a fucking dancer and I get naked but yeah, I censor myself so much it's ridiculous. I really just don't wanna care anymore. And I don't really think I will. I look back on my old blogs when I was like 18 and shit.. Wow. I was like a totally different me. But it was good. And now it's bad. So yeah.. I'm sick of censoring myself in my own way, so I'm not going to do it anymore.
=p
I'm sometimes so lonely but surrounded by everyone. It's like I'm here but I'm invisible. I just want to be happy. Cause I'm not. I mean.. yeah I'm happy and all, but there's something that's missing and I know what it is.. "Why the hell don't you just get it FUCKTARD?!" You're probably asking.. Yeah well it's really not that easy. Dropping everything and pushing my problems away is not the answer.
For some reason I've been having a lot of dreams lately. Which is good. I like dreaming a lot. Anytime I can escape reality is a happy time. =] But some dreams have been.. almost smothering. Like one with my ex boyfriend. I had it like over a week ago, but I just can't really stop thinking about it.. It's so weird. Like I'll go for a long time w/o thinking about him and then all of a sudden, my subconscious steps in and is like HEYYYYYY WHATS UP. Oh well, it's not like it was bad or anything, just somewhat surreal. I dunno. And then I keep having all these other dreams about your mom.. no really, but they always have someone who I don't even really talk to anymore. It's strange.
Well on a really-super-happy-I'm-so-excited-and-I-just-can't-hide-it note.. I'm starting school soon. You can't even imagine how excited I am..
DDDDD FINALLY.. going to school for something that I really really wanna do. And not taking any stupid classes that I don't need. WOOOOOOOO!
I'm gonna go eat an egg sammich.
Happy holidays to everyone!
I really miss how I used to not care. About what I did or how I dressed or what I said. Now it's like I censor myself so much in different ways. Wayyyyy deeper than what you're thinking about. Yeah I'm a fucking dancer and I get naked but yeah, I censor myself so much it's ridiculous. I really just don't wanna care anymore. And I don't really think I will. I look back on my old blogs when I was like 18 and shit.. Wow. I was like a totally different me. But it was good. And now it's bad. So yeah.. I'm sick of censoring myself in my own way, so I'm not going to do it anymore.
=p
I'm sometimes so lonely but surrounded by everyone. It's like I'm here but I'm invisible. I just want to be happy. Cause I'm not. I mean.. yeah I'm happy and all, but there's something that's missing and I know what it is.. "Why the hell don't you just get it FUCKTARD?!" You're probably asking.. Yeah well it's really not that easy. Dropping everything and pushing my problems away is not the answer.
For some reason I've been having a lot of dreams lately. Which is good. I like dreaming a lot. Anytime I can escape reality is a happy time. =] But some dreams have been.. almost smothering. Like one with my ex boyfriend. I had it like over a week ago, but I just can't really stop thinking about it.. It's so weird. Like I'll go for a long time w/o thinking about him and then all of a sudden, my subconscious steps in and is like HEYYYYYY WHATS UP. Oh well, it's not like it was bad or anything, just somewhat surreal. I dunno. And then I keep having all these other dreams about your mom.. no really, but they always have someone who I don't even really talk to anymore. It's strange.
Well on a really-super-happy-I'm-so-excited-and-I-just-can't-hide-it note.. I'm starting school soon. You can't even imagine how excited I am..
DDDDD FINALLY.. going to school for something that I really really wanna do. And not taking any stupid classes that I don't need. WOOOOOOOO!
I'm gonna go eat an egg sammich.
Happy holidays to everyone!
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
now, i look back, and see me giving up bits of myself. don't say something to make it easier, stop doing that because it's easier. stop being you, because people don't act like that in the real world....
i miss the old me. but hay ho. .
love your long and thought provoking blogs
good to hear about school. what you studying?
merry christmas
I'm sometimes so lonely but surrounded by everyone. It's like I'm here but I'm invisible. I just want to be happy. Cause I'm not. I mean.. yeah I'm happy and all, but there's something that's missing and I know what it is.. "Why the hell don't you just get it FUCKTARD?!" You're probably asking.. Yeah well it's really not that easy. Dropping everything and pushing my problems away is not the answer.
I feel you on that one.