Please explain to me this: Why the fuck is life worth living?
People's main goals in life are to be financially stable and to be happy. Fuck that. I'll tell you one thing.. you're never going to be happy. So you might as well give that up. And second.. fuck money. I FUCKING HATE MONEY. Why the hell should I go to school? Why should I waste my time and pay off student loans for the REST OF MY GOD DAMN LIFE? It makes zero sense to me. Why should I care? I don't own anything as of now.. except for a select few things which I worked my ass off to buy.. however they were recently stolen from me. Why the fuck should I waste my time, energy, and money on things that are going to be stolen from me. Why the fuck should it matter. I can't comprehend it.
I'm trying [keyword: trying] to buy a car right now. I thought I had 1,000 in the bank, but it looks as if I have more like 500. With gas, school, and food.. I don't really understand how I'm supposed to pay for a fucking car payment AND insurance. BUT WHY SHOULD I CARE? It's probably going to be stolen. Just like EVERYTHING I've ever fucking worked my ass off for. I want to get another job waiting tables but I can't even pretend to enjoy doing that anymore. It's good money if you can kiss ass. I can't even pretend to care. I really can't. BECAUSE I DON'T.
And as for school. Who the fuck cares about that? Yeah I'm going to spend every single penny to my name to get into a school [assuming that I'll even fucking get in] so that I can get my appropriate "understanding" of my major and continue to try and work my way up in the shithole we call society. Yay. Sign me up. But I ask myself, "What makes me happy?" I really can't seem to find anything. Art does. But I just want to make art. I don't want to go through the fucking song and dance of getting a rating of how much school I've had. And of course everyone knows the better school you go to, the better job you're going to get. It's not rocket science.
So please. If anyone can explain to me why I should give a shit about anything.. take a shot. I'll give you a cookie. But know this: I don't give a fuck about your love or happiness or signs of moral support. Fuck that shit. Shove it. I just wanna know why we're stopping now? I have been stripped of many things that I worked MY ASS off for and now they're just gone. I can't afford to buy a new car even though mine is about to die. So I don't really know how that's going to happen but whatever! Why are we stopping? Take everything. Take it from me. Fucking strip me raw.
I like to think that I'm something, but then I just remember how much I don't matter. And how none of this matters. They're all just material possessions. That's why I can't comprehend why it should matter. And why I should even keep trying. Because I'll never amount to anything and maybe I should just fucking know that now. I'm always going to be stepped on and the staircase to the top will forever keep going. I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY ANYONE CARES IN LIFE. If that's not the most depressing realization, I don't know what is. The fact that you're never going to get anywhere in life unless you kiss some ass and I'm not ready to do that. I'll be homeless and then I won't have to worry about any of that shit. I don't even know why I have anything that I do have. Fuck possessions. Fuck money.
WHERE THE DRUGS AT? Fuckin swallow that shit. I really won't care then.
People's main goals in life are to be financially stable and to be happy. Fuck that. I'll tell you one thing.. you're never going to be happy. So you might as well give that up. And second.. fuck money. I FUCKING HATE MONEY. Why the hell should I go to school? Why should I waste my time and pay off student loans for the REST OF MY GOD DAMN LIFE? It makes zero sense to me. Why should I care? I don't own anything as of now.. except for a select few things which I worked my ass off to buy.. however they were recently stolen from me. Why the fuck should I waste my time, energy, and money on things that are going to be stolen from me. Why the fuck should it matter. I can't comprehend it.
I'm trying [keyword: trying] to buy a car right now. I thought I had 1,000 in the bank, but it looks as if I have more like 500. With gas, school, and food.. I don't really understand how I'm supposed to pay for a fucking car payment AND insurance. BUT WHY SHOULD I CARE? It's probably going to be stolen. Just like EVERYTHING I've ever fucking worked my ass off for. I want to get another job waiting tables but I can't even pretend to enjoy doing that anymore. It's good money if you can kiss ass. I can't even pretend to care. I really can't. BECAUSE I DON'T.
And as for school. Who the fuck cares about that? Yeah I'm going to spend every single penny to my name to get into a school [assuming that I'll even fucking get in] so that I can get my appropriate "understanding" of my major and continue to try and work my way up in the shithole we call society. Yay. Sign me up. But I ask myself, "What makes me happy?" I really can't seem to find anything. Art does. But I just want to make art. I don't want to go through the fucking song and dance of getting a rating of how much school I've had. And of course everyone knows the better school you go to, the better job you're going to get. It's not rocket science.
So please. If anyone can explain to me why I should give a shit about anything.. take a shot. I'll give you a cookie. But know this: I don't give a fuck about your love or happiness or signs of moral support. Fuck that shit. Shove it. I just wanna know why we're stopping now? I have been stripped of many things that I worked MY ASS off for and now they're just gone. I can't afford to buy a new car even though mine is about to die. So I don't really know how that's going to happen but whatever! Why are we stopping? Take everything. Take it from me. Fucking strip me raw.
I like to think that I'm something, but then I just remember how much I don't matter. And how none of this matters. They're all just material possessions. That's why I can't comprehend why it should matter. And why I should even keep trying. Because I'll never amount to anything and maybe I should just fucking know that now. I'm always going to be stepped on and the staircase to the top will forever keep going. I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY ANYONE CARES IN LIFE. If that's not the most depressing realization, I don't know what is. The fact that you're never going to get anywhere in life unless you kiss some ass and I'm not ready to do that. I'll be homeless and then I won't have to worry about any of that shit. I don't even know why I have anything that I do have. Fuck possessions. Fuck money.
WHERE THE DRUGS AT? Fuckin swallow that shit. I really won't care then.
Money doesn't bring happiness, but "riding on the train with no dough SUCKS."
Do you get any exercise? I know that bicycling in Dallas would involve risking your life on a daily basis, but it sounds like that might improve your perspective also. Avoid pawnshop bikes, though, call different repair shops or just show up and be your cute self.
Your situation doesn't even deserve your attention until you improve your mindset. You'll only give a shit when you have to give a shit, or when you decide to.
Have you thought about washing dishes? Yeah, you'll get no respect unless you totally kick ass at it, but relative to working the front end NO ONE will give you any shit. Many places, you can... hell, people will expect you to maintain a constant stream of profanity. After a month, you'll probably be able to do the job stoned out of your gourd, to boot. You'll not lack time to consider what will truly make you happy. The main thing you have to [keywords: have to] do is show up every day.