girthy

My father asked me today if I hated him.

I don't hate him, I just strongly dislike the way in which he treats me. He's always making me feel small and insignifican. When speaking to me there's always this condensending tone in his voice, like I'm some kind of idiot.

I went out of my way this morning to pick him and my homey Dave up at LAX at 4:30 am this morning and the first thing he asks me is, "Why are you so low on gas?" To which I replied, "Cause I'm po'."

Then things got worse when I was taking him to his friend's house so they can crash for the night. We got on the 90 and I asked him to tell me where I was heading:

"So I'm getting on the 405 right?"
"No."
"Okay, so I wana stay in this lane?"
"What are you doing? Get in the right lane?"
"To the 405?"
"What are you doing?"

He grabs the wheel and jerks it over to the 405 exit.

"Why did you just tell me no?"
"You're not listening to me."
"Whatever, north or south?"
"What are you doing?!"
"Fuck! North or south, dad?"
"You're gonna miss it!"

He jerks the wheel again.

"Get your fucking hands off the wheel and tell me where I'm going! FUCK!"
"You don't know what your doing, I should have driven."
"Well if you would just tell me where I'm going, then there wouldn't be any problems."
"Shut the fuck up, Chris. Just shut the fuck up, okay?"
*sigh* "So I'm getting off on National, right"
"Yes, N-A-T-I-O-N-A-L. Your going to fast, slow down, you're making me nervious. You really need to stop smoking pot, it's making you stupid." (I just want to point out that he was the first one I ever smoked with... When I was 13.)

I wanted to spend time with him while he was here, but he just wants to nit pick at everything that I'm doing. No, "It's good to see you son, thanks for picking us up at this ungodly hour, let's go get breakfast." Just, "Shut the fuck up, you're an idiot."

He called me and asked me when I was getting off of work. "10 pm" I answer. He informs me that He's probably not gonna see me before he leaves back up to Montana. I try not to show up to work in tears. It was hard, but I prevailed.

Everyone is printing things like crazy today, I've gone through 3 reems of paper allready. Plus they're not even picking this shit up, so there's this huge pile of printouts sitting on the circulation desk. I wanna go up to whoever is printing out entire websites and smack em upside the head.

But that would be very unprofessional of me now, wouldn't it?

I feel utterly worthless today. I WONDER WHY?