girlunderglass

I seriously need to meet someone knew. I don't know who or how, but I know I need to. It's kind of silly, but I need someone who fits this description...


Thank you for being a friend
Traveled down the road and back again
Your heart is true your a pal and a confidant.

And if you through a party
Invited everyone you ever knew
You would see the biggest gift would be from me
And the card attached would say thank you for being a friend.

I feel like every time I think I'm beginning to see what might be a true best friend, it jut as quickly melts away. I don't want anyone to get the wrong impression and think I don't have any friends or don't love the ones I have. I do love them. I have the most amazing memories with them. But sometimes I worry I'm being taken advantage of, that I'm being used as this safe haven for hanging out or something. Like I'm good enough when no one else is around, but I'm not good enough if they can make plans with someone else.

I have so much to offer and I feel like no one will ever see it. :-( Today at work I helped cook dinner with a client, he was so happy and he kept thanking me over and over again for helping him cook dinner. And it was so genuine. Sometimes I don't remember what that looks like coming from a friend.

I'm also feeling terrible guilt because over the last few months I recently reunited with a friend I had stopped talking with do to a lot of fighting. Well, now that we are friends again I'm feeling overwhelmed with them. I know they want to be like...best friends again. But I'm just not ready for that. I need to easy back in to the friendship more slowly. I don't want to hang out every other night. Is that horrible of me?

Other things weighing on my mind:
- Not registered for classes yet
- Parents separation still feels like awful
- Boy doesn't care if I live or die
- The Step-Father of some good friends of mine was recently arrested on Child molestation/pornography charges.