Have you ever re-read something you've written? A letter...a note...a journal...a book? Anything?
I just re-read my high school journal (granted it was an online journal, but just as significant and heart felt). What a fucking horrible mistake. I thought it might help calm my nerves about the dreams I've been having lately, it just made me feel sick to my stomach. It made me cry and feel overwhelmed. Maybe it is because I've come so far from those emotions, because the first time in almost 4 years I'm really happy. I think part of me is just terrified of ever feeling that way again, because now I look around and have these amazing friends to support me, and the friends I had then have some what disappeared.
I just don't want to back slide. I can't.
I can not EVER feel that way again.
Scary.
I just re-read my high school journal (granted it was an online journal, but just as significant and heart felt). What a fucking horrible mistake. I thought it might help calm my nerves about the dreams I've been having lately, it just made me feel sick to my stomach. It made me cry and feel overwhelmed. Maybe it is because I've come so far from those emotions, because the first time in almost 4 years I'm really happy. I think part of me is just terrified of ever feeling that way again, because now I look around and have these amazing friends to support me, and the friends I had then have some what disappeared.
I just don't want to back slide. I can't.
I can not EVER feel that way again.
Scary.
redhornets:
Yeah I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes when I reread old stuff I just feel embarrassed, I guess that I put that stuff on paper, and now it seems weak and lame that I didn't have myself together right then!