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girlcatx

Member Since 2002

Followers 24 Following 14

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Tuesday Nov 05, 2002

Nov 4, 2002
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uuuuuunh. this SUCKS. i have warped into existential dread, and i cannot get out.

just got one of those phone calls. my grandfather, my dad's dad, died. (poor daddy, now he knows too what it's like to lose a parent. what a horrible fate for all us children of the world. to know that one day we will bury our mothers and fathers. we are never ready...) while i was just sitting at work, screwing around. while i was still so far away that i couldnt' say goodbye, or thanks for all the memories, all the time, and thoughtfulness, and wisdom. sorry for being a teenage brat, and thinking you were a rigid old catholic man sometimes. for getting all mad and high and mighty when you called me a soulless atheist for studying voodoo... but who cares? if i've ever met one human being who was so damn *good*, like some sort of roaring jimmy stewert, always did the right thing, and stood up strong for his family, and others that needed help.for me, time and time again.

dammit. dammit. dammit. it's the arrrgh!! 3rd time this year!! first both my mom's parents!! each died while i was en route to or from korea march august november!

don't leave things unsaid. don't think you'll "see them this summer" or at holidays. say it all now. tell them thanks for teaching you how to read, for holding you when you were a baby, for holding you when YOUR mother died...

why am i writing this here? like it's anyone's business. it's easier to write. but then again, it is your business. death is everyone's business, just like life is. mourning is all our burden, or rather it's our sweet burden to pass on the memory.
ugh .so far away. maybe i'll be on a plane soon, jetlagged 3 days from now standing in all black in one of those beautiful cemetaries in new orleans. or mayeb i'll be here because i, once again, can't make it in time. can't beat time. always wins.
existential dread. i'm tired, but i won't sleep, i know. my friends brought me chocolate.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
hatefulerin:
i'm so sorry. frown

but i must say, i think you are my new sg soulmate. when i was little i was obsessed with michael jackson. for a while my sister kept track of how many times i watched "the making of thriller", but after 80-something she stopped counting. she bought it for me this past christmas, and even now whenever i watch it if i'm feeling bad in some way it makes me feel better.
Nov 5, 2002
astrogirl3000:
mmmmm....bruce campbell........ (see:my crushes)

sorry to hear about your grandfather. i've got one grandparent left and i'm sending him a card tomorrow. thank you for your honest words........

whatcha doin' all the way over in korea?

i like yer taste in tunes/films, bjork is my beautiful ice queen!
Nov 5, 2002

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