ginjer

I am currently at home and not at nate's because we are fighting and Im crying
He has such trust issues its rediculous
he hasnt had a relationship in 3 years because a girl he loved cheated on him
lots of girls cheat and do hurtful things, I understand, Ive been hurt a lot too
we arent even dating yet because he wants to be slow and careful
but things are already getting rocky, I want sex 10 times more than him usually
we didnt have sex at all yesterday, it doesnt happen unless I practically rape him
If ya dont use it ya lose it seems to be true for this guy
but that can be fixed over time, trust issues is slightly harder
I have stopped talking to gary and matt and all guys that cause drama for me and nate
but because I was talking to gary's baby's mom, he got mad
she's helping me get a stripper job
he has a very laid back stoner lifestyle and I am high maintenance with a lot of drama
I hate drama but it clings to me, I have gotten used to it
he doesnt have to use his dry humor and sarcasm on the same day im having lots of drama
my best friend told me she no longer wants to be friends & nate made jokes to make me feel better
not fucking helpful, dont call me a punk or joke about slapping me when Im in a bad mood

my day has been a rollercoaster of feelings today, hearing that news from my bestie made me cry
day starting out shitty, got better when nate was being cute and cuddly
he took me home late on accident so I missed my volunteer work today, more shitty
I didnt do much packing so I went to get boxes and bought a new mini skirt, got slightly happier
got spray paint to paint my shitty coffee table bright green, slightly better
my ex called, caused drama and made it worse again
getting 2 stripper auditions in one day, slightly better
nate mad at me and not coming to get me for the night, worse!

I havent slept in my own bed in weeks, its covered in clothes im trying to pack right now
maybe Ill just stay up all night, I hate being sad