gingerlie

okay, so lastnight i told my boy i was no longer inlove with him. he said the same thing. this is really weird i expected when something like this happened that things would just be complete insanity, fighting etc. the only thing hes really expecting me to do is pay for my own stuff.
it looks like i need to figure out what im doing now with my life and do it. luckly i have SOME money saved up. i knew this day would come i could feel it for a long time sadly.
i dont know how i feel about it right now...im too stressed by everything to understand how i feel. i think im relieved. i always put things off like telling him how i feel. because i was always afraid of hurting him. i feel like ive finally come to a crossroads and picked a path after standing here for a year. i think it feels good. maybe im just relieved that i know i can do things for me now.
im glad because this means i can go to school and live where i want to and not worry about anyone else for awhile but myself. im thinking this could turn out to be a good thing. im just so sick of relying on a relationship for a place to live and food etc. sure he helped me out far too much and many times when i was homeless and without him i wouldnt be alive right now because ive been through a lot of shit and hes dug me out a few times. im ready to do it myself tho. people dont need someone else to help them along for the rest of their lives.

this is a weeping song, its a song in which to weep, while we rock ourselves to sleep.
this is a weeping song, and i wont be weeping long.
a beauty impossible to define, a beauty impossible to believe, a beauty impossible to endure.
and there is no god up in the sky, and theres no devil beneith the sins.