alright, leave in the morning for nyc. packed what i could in the 3 bags i could scrounge up and my backpack. leaving lots behind. i guess thats okay seeing as how if i cant find a job or home ill have to come back anyway. im really starting to second guess myself. its not good. i feel awful. terrible headache. terrible heartache. terrible me. dont know how much ill be around between now and sunday. well see. thanks everyone whos been sweet. hopefully everyone will keep my mind occupied enough i wont think much the next few days, weeks, or months. must sleep. have to get up pack my backpack and carry whats left of my life to the bus station and carry it around with me till i settle.
i just wish i knew why im never happy with where i am/what i have. i dont understand how im always moving around, always looking for something better, always second guessing what i have. it pains me when i think about everyone in their little towns with their friends, their families, their significant others and why cant i have that. maybe im looking for something ill never have. or maybe im actually trying to find it. is there something wrong with me or just with everyone else? i keep thinking "you only regret what you dont do." does that mean i should have less regrets than everyone else in the world?
bah im emotional and overdramatic right now. shoot me.
i just wish i knew why im never happy with where i am/what i have. i dont understand how im always moving around, always looking for something better, always second guessing what i have. it pains me when i think about everyone in their little towns with their friends, their families, their significant others and why cant i have that. maybe im looking for something ill never have. or maybe im actually trying to find it. is there something wrong with me or just with everyone else? i keep thinking "you only regret what you dont do." does that mean i should have less regrets than everyone else in the world?
bah im emotional and overdramatic right now. shoot me.
VIEW 10 of 10 COMMENTS
razor13:
as you go against the current trends you attain both valuable knowledge and regrets alike, the regrets become painful, but you can never replace the knowing, it is the absolute of exsistence...the pain is the price paid for the highest knowledge...
alexkarina:
So many of those people in the little towns with their friends and families are actually very unhappy with their existence but never try to escape so take some comfort in that you are moving around and looking for something you genuinely like. When you are in transit, also, it's very hard not to be over-immersed in the present and unable to put things in perspective. And I'm not even sure that putting things into perspective is all it is cracked up to be. It's just one side of a coin: you had to be lost in order to be found.