gingerkiss

Im sooooo busy!

I have exam II for stats tomorrow am and Im just now studying . I have to work this wk-end and get ready for my trip starting on Sunday. So much to do and so little time.

I dyed my hair a few days ago and realized in one year I went from about 15% grey to about 60%, at least it looks that way from my roots. Some of the girls even noticed it at work God Im depressed I went from maiden to crown so quickly, and I didnt even get to do the mother thing.

Speaking of the mother thing, maybe someone out there can figure this out. When I was younger all I could do was think about having a family. I thought that was going to be my whole life. Im guessing because of that thinking Id fall in love fast and want to rush it all. Now, I don't. I fear its because I don't really love B. And, I do think the older I get the more I see the "freedom" Id lose having and caring for a child, etc. Im being totally selfish. I don't know. My last boyfriend was an ass but I loved him (or so I thought) and wanted to have a family w/ him, badly. Actually, I share this: We (I) got pregnant. And even though we weren't in a healthy relationship I was ready to have the child. He on the other hand said he would end things if I did. (Now those that are pro life will not like this story-sorry) Fortunately, my logic kicked in and I ended the pregnancy. Not because I didn't want to lose him! No way was I going to bring a child into this world with such a horrible father, such bad vibes whether we were together or not. Now, Im with the PERFECT husband and father type man and I don't have the same kind of excitement and urges to get married and have a family. What the hell is wrong w/ me???

Thats enough. I think about it too much and end up just getting frustrated more w/ myself.

Im working out 2-3x wk now. It's turning into natural highs If anyone wants to work out w/ me. Let me know. Oh and, Im going to be doing the Maritime w/ B. Should be fun

you all have a great next 2 wks and hope to hear from you when I return