gingerbread

oh, this was a bittersweet weekend! due to various nefarious doings, my boyfriend had to move back in with his parents. LAME! so, this is the first time in my life i have lived alone! i am finding the nice things about it i guess, but it is still very lonely and a little scary. after struggling on my own for a long time, my mom helped me out by getting me a lease on my own apartment. a big part of why she did it was because she thought living alone would help me get to know myself. even after a few days i am seeing what she meant. whew.

and in other sad news, my boyfriend was the one with a camera! every time i drink a cup of tea, or, sadly enough, a coffee mug of booze, i think of my 365 days of drinking out of things project. maybe i will save my money so i can continue in my uselessness.

also, uselessness is a funny looking word.

and most importantly, absence makes the heart grow fonder! my boyfriend and i had THE best sex we have ever had the other night. it was weird, something was just, i dunno, it's cliched, but something was in the air! honest! we started talking about all these things we had never realized we needed to say, and even though neither of us are inhibited people, it somehow seemed to open up sex. but then i bled all over the bed! like, it seriously looked like i had given birth! i couldn't figure out if it was my ass or my cooch, either! it was terrifying no more pre-love painkillers! you need to be able to feel some things! and no, the drugs did not create the thing-in-the-air thing. it was there before, and after. and it was wonderful.
my life imitates my art! this is what living alone feels like to me. may i use the word bittersweet again? bittersweet.