ginacherry

The absent stares left their marks- they still leave their marks- all I have to do is be distracted and it all comes in- it floods, it dorwn, it murrmurs- something deadly........it is late- actually it is early morning- soo early- the night is gone and I am on the first page of my thesis- I Am bored and I hunt around the site looking for a familiar face but no one is around- they are snug in their beds, under blankets so warm, they are making love- getting it up the ass- doing homework, just like me- crying about their miserable life- letting out and belting out their dirty laundry in their former lover's journals for all the world to see - for all of us to wince at the drama that is like a train wreck- it is not polite to stare- but you can't help but look.- I am sooo bored- I am actually alone- the other half down at the office- this has been a hard month- the creep of insecurity has taken it's toll and I can not deny that I suspect some infidelity- but alas we have had that discussion and he assures me that he is true- I think that if all was lost between us, I may never trust another again- I would dissapear- never to be heard of again and in the lonely existance, I could come up for air and I would come up for carnal nourishment only for a brief time- but it would be like I never existed- it is weird and scary to trust one person -to fully and completley trust them- it is not something normal I have tried to convince myself- but yet- here I am - fully committed and I take the good with the bad- I think the good outweighs the bad- besides- what is the point?- what is the point? what is the point? Will I ever know it ? Will I ever be able to experience it? Why should I? What is the secret? Does it feel like the most incredible thing in that moment in time? I have my suspiscions, but alas they remain uncomfirmed- it is like an urban legend- I don't believe in it anymore- I think I have made peace with it- so if you come across this space one day and I am gone- don't wonder what has happened- chances are it's best not to ask-

1. What is it like?