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gillette

Florida

Member Since 2003

Followers 7 Following 7

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Thursday Jun 03, 2004

Jun 3, 2004
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i haven't had much to say in recent months. five months since my dad died, and i look back to see five months of taking care of my mother, helping her sell her house, sell her stuff, buy a smaller house, deal with suddenly being poor, and through it all, mind-numbing grief.

i've never been a cryer. some women cry a lot, but in the past 35 years, until now, i could count the number of times i shed tears on one hand.

today i only got teary-eyed twice - this was a milestone - i'm looking forward to a day when i don't cry at all, not even silent weeping. the experts on grief say this day comes, and i am waiting for it impatiently.

my kids are freaked out because they've never really seen me cry, my husband is freaked out because he thinks i am going to have a major meltdown of the psychiatric kind.

but - i feel better since i stopped taking wellbutrin - fuck anti-depressants, they just make it harder to feel what you need to feel to get through the tunnel.

i must be feeling better, i am ready to write about what i feel again!
elan:
I agree about antidepressans. I've been med free for about a year and a half and I feel SO MUCH BETTER. I think it hurts more when you need to cry and physically can't. At least that's how it felt for me. It even took a while for my drugs to wear off enough for me to be able to cry. It felt SO cleansing to finally be able to cry.

I'm sorry about your dad. Its been 7 years for me. Still hard.

I'm glad you're still around.
Jun 4, 2004
elan:
thats pretty funny. it reminded me of when I was in kindergarten and we were drawing self portraits. You know how when you look down upon a child and you see the ground behind them. Well, I drew green behind me because as an adult that is what you'd see behind me if you were to look down on me. I just about pulled my hair out trying to explain what a background was.

My son is wonderful and 4 is my favorite age. Not old enough to really talk back. Old enough to think for themselves. Its so cool to watch their little minds work.
Jun 5, 2004

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