gigglefuckbunny

I cant find my way out. Its burning inside . . . its beating in my veins. Its screaming let me out! Im trying to keep busy and forget about it. I told myself not tonight or ever again. But this feeling is just building and there seems to be no way to rid of it. Im purring and wishing for release. I am wanting and praying for it to leave. But the feeling just wont go. I run hours on hours hoping I can run from it. It starts with a pulse and then a foot step deep inside telling me u cant run or hide. I run quick hoping to pass out from all of this. But it just wont let me be. Destruction is what it wants from me. Blood is what its crazy from me to spill. My blood roars and screams. My heart sings let go. But what does it want me to let go? I cant deal any more; I just cant. Im going to scream and meow my pain. I beat my wrist against the wall hoping this is enough to rid the agitation that settles deep inside me. But my heart laughs at my attempts to deal. You cant get away that easily. The watch on my wrist pinches my skin by accident. I find peace in the pain it brings. Nothing is as good as this my heart says. Just dig abit in ur wrist with something sharp and Ill leave u alone it says. I just want to cry why cant I just let be? Why do I feel like this? Why does my blood boil? Why am I on toes ready to jump any second? Cant I just chill? Please someone find me here and grab me before I cut tonight. Hold me tight and love me. Hug me and tell me theres away. I need that right now. I just want to scream. And I dont know why. And thats what kills me the most inside.

Im caged up. I feel claustrophobic. I pull off my clothes wishing this is enough to get rid of this feeling. I pant and bitch to myself let go. Let me out let me out let me out let me out. I pace back and forth wishing and praying for something. But I cant figure what it is. I go nutty sometimes and try to squeeze threw the bars. But I find Im just too fat. I purr and meow for someone to scratch that itch. But when ever someone comes close I run and hid. My breath is warm, moist and heavy while I sit still waiting for someone to dare to touch me. Wide eyes I look at in fear at those who approach me. Pet me and I will fuck u up!

I cant stand this any longer. I have hit the edge and I dont know why. This is it is all I have to say. I am not going to kill myself but I have to find away to release this build up of agitation. I dont even know why I am agitated. Im going on a fast and will meditate daily and hope and wish this will calm my soul. I wont get off this fast till I am calm and things feel right again. I just cant stand this any longer. Something is eating at me and nothing will sooth it these days. I will meditate on what can be eating me and how to fix it. Fasting will help me calm my nerves abit. I will get control over my life!

I told myself I would stay away from the computer for a while to get things straight in my head. But I find that hard since I need a way to vent my feelings and well I cant just tell anyone in person how I feel and well I feel better typing it then saying it. So I guess I wont be away from this journal for a while. Also theres some pics I put up. . . check them out. Those who IM me a lot have prob seen what I have in there so nothing really new. Tho for those who never AIM me then u might have fun taking a peak seeing the persons face that babbles in this journal.