Went to a party. . . drank a lot of shit and tried to stop before 12am bc I wanted to start fasting. . . I did good with that. though I really just wanted to drown myself in liquor. . . im sooooo sick of all this shit. So many lies. . . I walk around and that's all im faced with is lies. If its not towards me its shit I hear. Like I was watching this kid name Mike and he was telling his gf he was just in the bathroom washing up. I walked into him in the bathroom before from accident . . . he wasn't just washing up. he was fucking some girl in the tub. It made me kinda sad. I mean I have seen this guy pass by me a few times threw the year and he's always assumed to be a sweet good guy. and then he does this. He's not very nice when I think about it now. I look at all this shit around me and wonder how does anyone assume I should just trust them. Not even the goodie goodie boyfriend can be trust. somehow im supposed to think all human kind is good. I don't know what to think any more of anything. . . ::sighs::
Who am I to talk? Here I go avoiding people . . . somehow my Mom is the one picking up the phone saying im "busy." Which is the quarter of the time is true . . . but the rest of the time is a load of bull. I wish I could be more upfront. I wish I could be just plain nasty and tell people no. I have a hard time saying no to people. Gets me in a lot of trouble.
Because I don't say no and I just avoid certain people I had a few guys the entire night following me around bugging me about the third date and what not. I wanted to crawl in a hole. I was caught in my own lie at the party. . . a few days ago my Mom couldn't take my calls any more and I was the one who had to say no. The guy asked me to go to the party with him. I said i was "busy and stuff." uh huh sure i am . . . out of job and some how im busy. . . ::laughs to self:: Well my friend who was holding the party requested i come since im there good friend and all that jazz so i had to come. and look who is there to greet me. . . ::sighs:: How or what do you say to someone like that?
Who am I to talk? Here I go avoiding people . . . somehow my Mom is the one picking up the phone saying im "busy." Which is the quarter of the time is true . . . but the rest of the time is a load of bull. I wish I could be more upfront. I wish I could be just plain nasty and tell people no. I have a hard time saying no to people. Gets me in a lot of trouble.
Because I don't say no and I just avoid certain people I had a few guys the entire night following me around bugging me about the third date and what not. I wanted to crawl in a hole. I was caught in my own lie at the party. . . a few days ago my Mom couldn't take my calls any more and I was the one who had to say no. The guy asked me to go to the party with him. I said i was "busy and stuff." uh huh sure i am . . . out of job and some how im busy. . . ::laughs to self:: Well my friend who was holding the party requested i come since im there good friend and all that jazz so i had to come. and look who is there to greet me. . . ::sighs:: How or what do you say to someone like that?
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[Edited on Aug 10, 2003]