I think im going to try and write in this daily. I think that would make me feel rather productive and thats just my goal for this year and Im doing pretty good. Ive managed to begin doing alot of things ive wanted to do for a long time and Im actually not doing that bad. Some of my goals this year include
1. Get Healthy: Ive been seeing a nutritionist to find out where I may be going wrong and what I can do to fix it. This goes beyond pure weight loss, Im fairly happy with my size, I would really like to try and feed my body to benefit my lifestyle. Im beginning to learn your body is lie a machine- you can tune it up with cheap make do oil- or you can use quality oil and you'll get more life and productivity out of it. After being recommended to record every single thing I have consumed in an entire week, it was discovered that I infat do not eat enough calories in a day to maintain a healthy body weight. Now this may seem weird because my body is not 'svelte' per say but in fact with my BMI index I should be eating 2200 calories a day to maintain body weight and 1800 for weight loss. After recording my diet and calorie counting right down to the fucking teaspoon I consume less than 1000 calories a day.My body has gone into camel mode and is storing every bit of energy in fear that it will be a long period of time before it gets its next fill. I guess Im happy to hear that I can actually lose weight by eating MORE. Its harder than I imagined because Ive eated like this for years. And now focusing on eating more and eating better quality food is fun and a pain in the ass at the same time. But in 2 weeks ive oddly lost close to 10 lbs!! WTF? i know...
I also need to be more active. I dont exercise on a regular basis and Ive been doing some yoga but I find myself giggling and being goofy while my ass is straight up in the air and my legs are spread 4 feet apart!! lolol Due to the fact that I am forced to take the shoelace expess ( no car/ no license for that matter - we'll get to this in goal 2) I do walk ALOT- but i def need more.
2. GET MY FUCKING LICENSE!!!!!! Im 23 years old and i have never even called the ministry of transportation with even a single question about driving. Ive never really had the drive ( oh puns!) to get it and I dont know why. I live in a suburban area where although things are close, convenience stores etc- there is often long bus waits etc. And its pretty fucking lame to begin with lol. Ive actually looked up the fees of getting my G1 license ( which i dont know if its a Canadian term but its the first step to a drivers license if you dont know) AND I even printed off the Drivers manual ( 300 pages on my boss's expensive ink jet hehehe) cus im cheap - Now this may seem like nothing but considering my past efforts this is huge! lol
3. Manage my finances! I have a bad addiction to retail. I could hand the local mall my paycheque in a heart beat. This is a fucking bad thing. I have to make a concious effort to avoid shopping centres because I just cannot leave with out a bag in my hands. Because of this I have a buttload of stupid shit and countless clothing items I will never appreciate or wear. Coming from someone who is broke. This is not a good thing. Someone contact Intervention. " Hi my name is Tamara. T-A-M-A-R-A. ...."
4.Feel good about me. I guess this is partly where SG comes into the plot. After years of being denyed the oppurtunity to feel good about myself in a pretty shat 7 year relationship I am now with someone that I care for so much. He is entirely ok with the idea of me do this. I am doing this because I have felt for so long that I wasnt good enough, not really that attractive, just the funny fat chick. SG has made me realise that there is beauty in EVERYTHING!!! there is an audience for every shape and not necessarily will everyone like your look but there will be many that do. I try not to worry about how im so different from someone else but rather look at what makes me different makes me beautiful. Chubby girls are made to feel like"eww fat chicks" and to some degree.... its unpleasent. But being that Im fully functional lol and not gnarly in the face that does not make me unattractive. I think my boyfriend is crazy hot and if I was gross or unattractive he probably would be my boyfriends right? Anyways, I have really started to feel better abou tmy shape and to try and fix what im not happy with . Its really working abd that makes me so happy!
5 Accomplish SG! I have wanted to try modelling for Suicide Girls since I found out what it was. Unfortunatly I was in relationshp with someone who would be disgusted with me and the idea but now that Im wth a normal, trusting, accepting, caring , positive guy Im able to try and persue it. I love the idea of non-traditional pin up style models. Seeig the birth marks, the goosebmps, the strech marks, the thin, the chubby, the big boobies the little boobies! I love the natural realisticness of SG. I love seeing men and woman that love it too. Now this an opinion of my own but I really dislike fake breasts. I cant help but feel its like a self esteem issue. I have a girlfriend very much into the idea of it right now and it bothers me so much. When I see girls with fakes I just wonder why they felt so low about them selves that they felt like they needed to enhance their tits.. I dont get it. She insists that she's doing it for herself. Umm... do you want them to dance in the mirror topless with? I can see like losing weight would be for yourself to be healthy and prolong your life, but fake tits?? those are not for you. that is so you can get attention from others. False self esteem. LIke secondary shit. anways IM just so against it. Its like giving an anorexic a pat on the back for losing weight.
Wow this got a lil longer than i planned..... well not that anyone will get to this point of my journal. But blah -but if u made it and just for that. Ill tell you what youve always wanted to hear.
Aliens. Those hookers exist.
1. Get Healthy: Ive been seeing a nutritionist to find out where I may be going wrong and what I can do to fix it. This goes beyond pure weight loss, Im fairly happy with my size, I would really like to try and feed my body to benefit my lifestyle. Im beginning to learn your body is lie a machine- you can tune it up with cheap make do oil- or you can use quality oil and you'll get more life and productivity out of it. After being recommended to record every single thing I have consumed in an entire week, it was discovered that I infat do not eat enough calories in a day to maintain a healthy body weight. Now this may seem weird because my body is not 'svelte' per say but in fact with my BMI index I should be eating 2200 calories a day to maintain body weight and 1800 for weight loss. After recording my diet and calorie counting right down to the fucking teaspoon I consume less than 1000 calories a day.My body has gone into camel mode and is storing every bit of energy in fear that it will be a long period of time before it gets its next fill. I guess Im happy to hear that I can actually lose weight by eating MORE. Its harder than I imagined because Ive eated like this for years. And now focusing on eating more and eating better quality food is fun and a pain in the ass at the same time. But in 2 weeks ive oddly lost close to 10 lbs!! WTF? i know...
I also need to be more active. I dont exercise on a regular basis and Ive been doing some yoga but I find myself giggling and being goofy while my ass is straight up in the air and my legs are spread 4 feet apart!! lolol Due to the fact that I am forced to take the shoelace expess ( no car/ no license for that matter - we'll get to this in goal 2) I do walk ALOT- but i def need more.
2. GET MY FUCKING LICENSE!!!!!! Im 23 years old and i have never even called the ministry of transportation with even a single question about driving. Ive never really had the drive ( oh puns!) to get it and I dont know why. I live in a suburban area where although things are close, convenience stores etc- there is often long bus waits etc. And its pretty fucking lame to begin with lol. Ive actually looked up the fees of getting my G1 license ( which i dont know if its a Canadian term but its the first step to a drivers license if you dont know) AND I even printed off the Drivers manual ( 300 pages on my boss's expensive ink jet hehehe) cus im cheap - Now this may seem like nothing but considering my past efforts this is huge! lol
3. Manage my finances! I have a bad addiction to retail. I could hand the local mall my paycheque in a heart beat. This is a fucking bad thing. I have to make a concious effort to avoid shopping centres because I just cannot leave with out a bag in my hands. Because of this I have a buttload of stupid shit and countless clothing items I will never appreciate or wear. Coming from someone who is broke. This is not a good thing. Someone contact Intervention. " Hi my name is Tamara. T-A-M-A-R-A. ...."
4.Feel good about me. I guess this is partly where SG comes into the plot. After years of being denyed the oppurtunity to feel good about myself in a pretty shat 7 year relationship I am now with someone that I care for so much. He is entirely ok with the idea of me do this. I am doing this because I have felt for so long that I wasnt good enough, not really that attractive, just the funny fat chick. SG has made me realise that there is beauty in EVERYTHING!!! there is an audience for every shape and not necessarily will everyone like your look but there will be many that do. I try not to worry about how im so different from someone else but rather look at what makes me different makes me beautiful. Chubby girls are made to feel like"eww fat chicks" and to some degree.... its unpleasent. But being that Im fully functional lol and not gnarly in the face that does not make me unattractive. I think my boyfriend is crazy hot and if I was gross or unattractive he probably would be my boyfriends right? Anyways, I have really started to feel better abou tmy shape and to try and fix what im not happy with . Its really working abd that makes me so happy!
5 Accomplish SG! I have wanted to try modelling for Suicide Girls since I found out what it was. Unfortunatly I was in relationshp with someone who would be disgusted with me and the idea but now that Im wth a normal, trusting, accepting, caring , positive guy Im able to try and persue it. I love the idea of non-traditional pin up style models. Seeig the birth marks, the goosebmps, the strech marks, the thin, the chubby, the big boobies the little boobies! I love the natural realisticness of SG. I love seeing men and woman that love it too. Now this an opinion of my own but I really dislike fake breasts. I cant help but feel its like a self esteem issue. I have a girlfriend very much into the idea of it right now and it bothers me so much. When I see girls with fakes I just wonder why they felt so low about them selves that they felt like they needed to enhance their tits.. I dont get it. She insists that she's doing it for herself. Umm... do you want them to dance in the mirror topless with? I can see like losing weight would be for yourself to be healthy and prolong your life, but fake tits?? those are not for you. that is so you can get attention from others. False self esteem. LIke secondary shit. anways IM just so against it. Its like giving an anorexic a pat on the back for losing weight.
Wow this got a lil longer than i planned..... well not that anyone will get to this point of my journal. But blah -but if u made it and just for that. Ill tell you what youve always wanted to hear.
Aliens. Those hookers exist.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
For me also one of the best things about SG is that different shapes and sizes of women become Suicide Girls. There is no need to have the stereotypical supermodel build. The important things seem to be to have a good attitude, self-confidence and submit a high-quality set.
I am with you on the breast-enhancement thing. Small-breasted women can look just as good as large-breasted women. It seems so unnecessary.
Best of luck to you on accomplishing your objectives!