every night i sit at my computer.
talking on the internet.
summarizing my day.
listening to music on my headphones.
dancing a little.
till i decide it's time to start shutting down my brain for the night.
but now is not that time.
-------------------------
lately i have been falling in love with everyone.
i see someone. i wonder who they are, what they want, what it would be like to be inside their head, to trust them, relish in them and all their words, their touch and to be with them forever.
it's just for a second.
then it's over.
--------------------------
there were some videos in class that really struck me.
one was.. well, as I see it... it was about the sadness of love.
i don't know if i really believe love by itself is sad.
it is the most beautiful thing, but something has tainted it.
maybe it's my cynical, broken-and-glued-together heart.
or maybe it is hollywood movies, that have they lived happily ever after.
or maybe it's the idea of love itself.
promises to love.
promises to support.
promises to give up some of yourself.
but it all for the most wonderful cause in the world.
but how empty the words are most of the time.
say it to get laid.
say it so you won't be alone.
say it to convince yourself.
i love you.
i LOVE you.
I LOVE YOU.
anyway. video.
love is full of sadness, hope and joy.
and making love is a struggle.
struggle between fantasies and reality. insecurities and trust.
between pleasure and pain.
if you do it right.
naughty geo.
-------------
the other video was about.. well twixters. (the 20 somethings that have graduated college but aren't really going anywhere... and all that... so me in a few months)
it was very philosophical in an approachable way.
stuff i think about everyday.
the role of time in our lives.
everyone, busy, doing. not knowing what to do wiht our off time.
and knowing that my life is mostly off time.
wasting time. doing this.
which doesn't project me, or you, or anything any further.
and the idea that even if we do nothing we are existing.
moving forward in time.
expanding.
and isn't that accomplishment in itself.
i struggled with the idea of society and playing into its roles while reading the kool aid acid test. and this video revived my thoughts.
everyone is trying to produce or give something to society.
it demands that in order to be a working part of it.
in order to "get yours" you must sacrifice.
work work work.
follow our rules and you will live comfortably.
get a house, get furniture, get a mini-van.
that is the road to happiness.
and i seem to buy it.
i worry about money.
how i am going to survive.
how i am going to attract friends or a mate... or both.
how am i going to be happy.
die with a smile on my face.
money? love? healthy combination of both?
------------------------------
i think i try to live an ideal life.
even though i am by no means ideal.
and that is a weird thing to figure out.
i will never be perfect.
no matter how much i work on myself, i will never be perfect.
and i can't be okay with that.
because if you think you are perfect, than you don't grow, don't change.
static. unnatural.
------------------
it's funny cause my stomach is in knots.
i am crying.
and i don't know why.
and i don't mind.
talking on the internet.
summarizing my day.
listening to music on my headphones.
dancing a little.
till i decide it's time to start shutting down my brain for the night.
but now is not that time.
-------------------------
lately i have been falling in love with everyone.
i see someone. i wonder who they are, what they want, what it would be like to be inside their head, to trust them, relish in them and all their words, their touch and to be with them forever.
it's just for a second.
then it's over.
--------------------------
there were some videos in class that really struck me.
one was.. well, as I see it... it was about the sadness of love.
i don't know if i really believe love by itself is sad.
it is the most beautiful thing, but something has tainted it.
maybe it's my cynical, broken-and-glued-together heart.
or maybe it is hollywood movies, that have they lived happily ever after.
or maybe it's the idea of love itself.
promises to love.
promises to support.
promises to give up some of yourself.
but it all for the most wonderful cause in the world.
but how empty the words are most of the time.
say it to get laid.
say it so you won't be alone.
say it to convince yourself.
i love you.
i LOVE you.
I LOVE YOU.
anyway. video.
love is full of sadness, hope and joy.
and making love is a struggle.
struggle between fantasies and reality. insecurities and trust.
between pleasure and pain.
if you do it right.
naughty geo.
-------------
the other video was about.. well twixters. (the 20 somethings that have graduated college but aren't really going anywhere... and all that... so me in a few months)
it was very philosophical in an approachable way.
stuff i think about everyday.
the role of time in our lives.
everyone, busy, doing. not knowing what to do wiht our off time.
and knowing that my life is mostly off time.
wasting time. doing this.
which doesn't project me, or you, or anything any further.
and the idea that even if we do nothing we are existing.
moving forward in time.
expanding.
and isn't that accomplishment in itself.
i struggled with the idea of society and playing into its roles while reading the kool aid acid test. and this video revived my thoughts.
everyone is trying to produce or give something to society.
it demands that in order to be a working part of it.
in order to "get yours" you must sacrifice.
work work work.
follow our rules and you will live comfortably.
get a house, get furniture, get a mini-van.
that is the road to happiness.
and i seem to buy it.
i worry about money.
how i am going to survive.
how i am going to attract friends or a mate... or both.
how am i going to be happy.
die with a smile on my face.
money? love? healthy combination of both?
------------------------------
i think i try to live an ideal life.
even though i am by no means ideal.
and that is a weird thing to figure out.
i will never be perfect.
no matter how much i work on myself, i will never be perfect.
and i can't be okay with that.
because if you think you are perfect, than you don't grow, don't change.
static. unnatural.
------------------
it's funny cause my stomach is in knots.
i am crying.
and i don't know why.
and i don't mind.
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
that I'm in love with everyone I see?
And, why did the next one have to be you?