at 11:07
i thought this would just get easier.
but it doesn't appear to be getting easier.
i don't have anyone to turn to.
they all love him more.
they never loved me.
they just loved me as an extenstion of him.
and he never loved me either.
as it seems.
i can't take this much more.
at 1:11
i excercised in the bathroom. yes, the bathroom. (i hate working out in front of people... even my roomates.)
it seems to have made me feel happier. sorta.
it makes me feel more in control.
like the kanye west song.
if i make an effort, i can pull me a baller.
though i don't want a baller.
it's the thought that counts.
still sad. but it doesn't seem so hopeless.
i think i will go for a run tonight in the rain. to get myself in touch with the elements of this world. and so that i am so cold, i can't feel feelings.
at least, i don't want to die anymore.
i have decided to dedicate my life to art.
oh and when i die. give my body to damien hirst.
i want to sit in formaldahyde (sp) and be called...
"she found the prefect form of flying"
brilliant.
but that won't be for a while.. don't worry.
i have too much to do in this lifetime.
like... go to asia, get my art in a big name museum (hell even if i have to do it guerilla stylee and just drop it in there wiht a little placard that i glue to the wall then run.) and uh... beat unreal tournament, and... get skinny and... and... get a tattoo and my nipples pierced... and.. go to the sgla gift exchange...and... have a glass of grapefruit juice. and... umm... move somewhere else exotic.. like eastern europe or ny or aisia... or iceland... and... umm.. oh the drag queen party. see just too much to get done. and if i died now i wouldn't have much time to do any of those things... other than have a glass of grapefruit juice.
but i don't REALLY want to do that. it's just good for me.
there are some other things i want to do but i can't really think of.
but i don't want to die. well.. i do.. but not now. give me like.. at least 23 more years. at least.
even sadness in it's own way is so comforting, cause it can only get better from here.
i thought this would just get easier.
but it doesn't appear to be getting easier.
i don't have anyone to turn to.
they all love him more.
they never loved me.
they just loved me as an extenstion of him.
and he never loved me either.
as it seems.
i can't take this much more.
at 1:11
i excercised in the bathroom. yes, the bathroom. (i hate working out in front of people... even my roomates.)
it seems to have made me feel happier. sorta.
it makes me feel more in control.
like the kanye west song.
if i make an effort, i can pull me a baller.
though i don't want a baller.
it's the thought that counts.
still sad. but it doesn't seem so hopeless.
i think i will go for a run tonight in the rain. to get myself in touch with the elements of this world. and so that i am so cold, i can't feel feelings.
at least, i don't want to die anymore.
i have decided to dedicate my life to art.
oh and when i die. give my body to damien hirst.
i want to sit in formaldahyde (sp) and be called...
"she found the prefect form of flying"
brilliant.
but that won't be for a while.. don't worry.
i have too much to do in this lifetime.
like... go to asia, get my art in a big name museum (hell even if i have to do it guerilla stylee and just drop it in there wiht a little placard that i glue to the wall then run.) and uh... beat unreal tournament, and... get skinny and... and... get a tattoo and my nipples pierced... and.. go to the sgla gift exchange...and... have a glass of grapefruit juice. and... umm... move somewhere else exotic.. like eastern europe or ny or aisia... or iceland... and... umm.. oh the drag queen party. see just too much to get done. and if i died now i wouldn't have much time to do any of those things... other than have a glass of grapefruit juice.
but i don't REALLY want to do that. it's just good for me.
there are some other things i want to do but i can't really think of.
but i don't want to die. well.. i do.. but not now. give me like.. at least 23 more years. at least.
even sadness in it's own way is so comforting, cause it can only get better from here.
VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
-Atrocity