Why am I so damn negative?
This thought occurred to me while reading back over my old entries. If somebody didn't know me before reading this, they'd probably consider me a real sourpuss who's definitely not someone worth getting to know. Yet, ironically, the people who actually KNOW (or think they know) me consider me a pretty easy-going, happy-go-lucky, friendly, honest, good-to-know kind of guy.
So why the dichotomy?
I think I learned the answer in Sociology class today. A sociologist by the name of Charles Horton Cooley wrote back in the 1920's that the ultimate goal of the socialization process is to develop an "looking glass self" by which we evaluate our own behaviour. To put that in plain English, for our entire lives, people have given us feedback on our behaviour--feedback which we store for reference at a later date. And we all play roles...all the world's a stage, and we are merely players, right? Since we want people to perceive us in a particular way, we use this deeply-ingrained feedback as a kind of internal mirror to determine if our behaviour will help us portray that role.
In my case, this means that, no matter how jaded, burned out, and just sick of it all I really am, no one around me ever knows it. I've been trained not to publicly express my displeasure; instead, my job is to just smile and play along like life is grand and I'm pleased as punch with my station in life.
Thankfully, no one who knows my public persona knows about this little journal of mine, so I can bitch and moan with impunity. Now I understand why my psychiatrist recommended that I start keeping one...this is both very therapeutic and a relatively socially acceptable outlet for my Id.
So take that, bitches.
___
And, I must issue a...well, not a retraction, exactly, but a clarification of one of my earlier entries. I realize (since Mi pointed it out) that my "with 'friends' like these, who needs enemies?" comment the other day sounds awfully derogatory. Well, it wasn't supposed to be directed at all of them. MOST of my online connections are wonderful people who are fun to talk to, great to know, and who do a pretty good job of keeping me sane in my current position.
So, I want to send a big GiddyIguana shout-out to the following:
Daniel from Spartanburg, SC
Jolene from Hilton Head, SC
Yuliya from Spartanburg, SC
Haley from Beaufort, SC
Mi from Savoy, IL
Jamie from Florence, SC
Jayce from Rock Hill(?), SC
Jenny from Lima, Peru
Mysel from Toronto, ON
Cedric from Beaufort, SC
Greg from Athens, GA
Art from somewhere in NC
Jonah from Manila, Philippines
Dave from Toronto, ON
Matt from somewhere in CO
Billy from upstate SC
Tara from somewhere in Iowa
Tara from Greenville, SC
Mary from Greenville, SC
Kitsy from Columbia, SC
Marcella from Charleston, SC
I love you all!
It's only the few bad apples that piss me off. Tim from Olar, SC, Brandi from somewhere in CT, Yoannis from Lima, Peru, and Scott from Aiken, SC...they were all friends of mine at one time or another, and are all somehow still under the delusion that they still are. I, being the nice guy/idiot I am, will still speak to them when they try to talk to me, but I still dread seeing them online because I know I'm going to get sucked into a conversation I'd rather not have.
So, to anyone I offended the other day...I apologize.
This thought occurred to me while reading back over my old entries. If somebody didn't know me before reading this, they'd probably consider me a real sourpuss who's definitely not someone worth getting to know. Yet, ironically, the people who actually KNOW (or think they know) me consider me a pretty easy-going, happy-go-lucky, friendly, honest, good-to-know kind of guy.
So why the dichotomy?
I think I learned the answer in Sociology class today. A sociologist by the name of Charles Horton Cooley wrote back in the 1920's that the ultimate goal of the socialization process is to develop an "looking glass self" by which we evaluate our own behaviour. To put that in plain English, for our entire lives, people have given us feedback on our behaviour--feedback which we store for reference at a later date. And we all play roles...all the world's a stage, and we are merely players, right? Since we want people to perceive us in a particular way, we use this deeply-ingrained feedback as a kind of internal mirror to determine if our behaviour will help us portray that role.
In my case, this means that, no matter how jaded, burned out, and just sick of it all I really am, no one around me ever knows it. I've been trained not to publicly express my displeasure; instead, my job is to just smile and play along like life is grand and I'm pleased as punch with my station in life.
Thankfully, no one who knows my public persona knows about this little journal of mine, so I can bitch and moan with impunity. Now I understand why my psychiatrist recommended that I start keeping one...this is both very therapeutic and a relatively socially acceptable outlet for my Id.
So take that, bitches.
___
And, I must issue a...well, not a retraction, exactly, but a clarification of one of my earlier entries. I realize (since Mi pointed it out) that my "with 'friends' like these, who needs enemies?" comment the other day sounds awfully derogatory. Well, it wasn't supposed to be directed at all of them. MOST of my online connections are wonderful people who are fun to talk to, great to know, and who do a pretty good job of keeping me sane in my current position.
So, I want to send a big GiddyIguana shout-out to the following:
Daniel from Spartanburg, SC
Jolene from Hilton Head, SC
Yuliya from Spartanburg, SC
Haley from Beaufort, SC
Mi from Savoy, IL
Jamie from Florence, SC
Jayce from Rock Hill(?), SC
Jenny from Lima, Peru
Mysel from Toronto, ON
Cedric from Beaufort, SC
Greg from Athens, GA
Art from somewhere in NC
Jonah from Manila, Philippines
Dave from Toronto, ON
Matt from somewhere in CO
Billy from upstate SC
Tara from somewhere in Iowa
Tara from Greenville, SC
Mary from Greenville, SC
Kitsy from Columbia, SC
Marcella from Charleston, SC
I love you all!
It's only the few bad apples that piss me off. Tim from Olar, SC, Brandi from somewhere in CT, Yoannis from Lima, Peru, and Scott from Aiken, SC...they were all friends of mine at one time or another, and are all somehow still under the delusion that they still are. I, being the nice guy/idiot I am, will still speak to them when they try to talk to me, but I still dread seeing them online because I know I'm going to get sucked into a conversation I'd rather not have.
So, to anyone I offended the other day...I apologize.
nixon:
Barnwell, huh? Christ! I'm from Greenville originally, went to College of Charleston. I say head for the West Coast when you get the chance. I did a stint in New Orleans and a couple of years in San Fran before i ended up in Oregon. So far, Oregon wins.