giablo69

wow I realized tonite that i really havent been as active on here in the pst two months as I had been during the summer, I had joined groups and started to post more frequently and all that. but recently i have started withdrawing from just surfing the net and doing much of anything online at all other then check email and check out some new music. Im not even in the groups that I hav d joined any more i withdrew from them, partly becasue I never seemed to be on but also becasue I just coould never make it out to group functions. I do feel a little bad about that but life changes for people and lets face it I am a little bit of a hermit. that one of the things I really enjoy about being with Stephanie is she likes to get out and so I find stuff to do that both of us enjoy and it gets me out of the house. and she also doesnt mind just chilling out and relaxing watching tv or just playing board games.
which really doesnt bring me to this next subject but its something else I also thought about this last week or so, I for the last two years or so have been changing the way I treat people. not anything bad but different then what used to be normal for me. it kind of started after I had a dream about the dahli lama speaking to me in a dream, this is what he said " you cannot possibly hope to change the world, all you can hope for is to change yourself and in effect those around you will see the change and will possibly try to change themselves for the better as well". since then I have been being a better person to everyone that I come into frequent contact with. that in itself is not a bad thing. but what does kinda make me feel a bit odd about it is that I really do try to do everything I can for family and for friends. it sometimes becomes a little taxing, really think about how much stuff you go through on a daily basis and then try to imagine being the rock that helps everyone you care about and all of your friends stand a little taller.
this is who I have become and I really do like that about me, I really dont want anyone to be completly dependent on me I just want to show those in my life how much they mean to me. this is really the only way I know how without sounding sappy or emoting to the piont wherein they all think I've finally snapped, I as well as several of my friends and some of my family members joke about the fact that I will most likely go crazy someday.

but I think that if I start emoting like mentioned above they will think I have finally done it for sure. on another note I have noticed a little change amongst my family and friends over the last year, little things like mom being nicer to people on a regular occasion, My brother Abe being more outgoing and making more frineds to hangout with, Meg's has become a much happier person adn she shares that with alot of people around her, my brother Josh has become more active with the church instead of the vidoe games to which he has made alot more frineds as well, my aunt and uncle have stopped worrying so much about my grandparents because they know me and Abe are over there regularly, my grandparents look forward to seeing us bith come over and grandpa wont let anyone else take him grocery shopping because he like spending that time out with his granchildren, the grandparents neighbors have started doing sporadic yardwork for htem when me and Abe cant get over right away and my Grandparents feel safer now because the neighbors keep more of an eye out for them and that is never a bad thing. well this has become alot longer of an update then I anticipated but it feels good to type it all out, so I thank you for taking the time to read all of it and just want to remind you if you dont like the way the world is do something to change yourself and that will have an effect.