Do me a favor and play this song while you read what's ahead. It'll give a better idea what the tone of this entry is. . .
Ramble. Rambles. Ramble. And honesty.
None of these are really gonna be related to one another. That's what I love about rambles. An entire paragraph of my writing could be about like 10 different things and you'd never know. It could sound like they're related but they almost never are.
Rambles.
I had a dream this afternoon that I was hanging out with Aaron and he decided that it had been long enough. I've been too cooped up and have spent long enough being stupid. I couldn't have agreed more. He also decided that it had been too long since I had seen Jeremy and his family so he took me over there. The whole time of the dream I felt unnaturally nervous and embarrassed which is how I feel whenever I'm around people I love that I haven't given enough attention to.
I remember vividly though thinking how beautiful everyone was, inhumanly stunning. Everyone was but there were no mirrors around so I couldn't see if I was beautiful too. I just had to trust that I was too. I remember Jeremy sitting next to me and after a very long time, he patted my head and pulled out a snack for us to share. I remember his Mom looking at me face-to-face and being angry with me for leaving them for so long. I also remember waiting for Kristen, his sister, to come downstairs but she never did. The never-ending anticipation for something wonderful, it never ended. I've felt that way about a lot of people lately.
I have no hate in my world, just understanding/love/&time.
Have you ever been so worried that others were going to ditch you that you left them before they could leave you? Yeah, it's like that. I was going to apologize but I don't have to. Most people would anyways out of common courtesy but I don't want to. If I don't have to apologize then whats the point? An empty apology is worse than no apology.
I've been grabbing at air for months now. Kicking the empty space and kissing silence. Holding hands with paper and looking for support from broken wood. I've taken my heart out and stared at it, shook it, and questioned it motives. It only told me so much, like a recipe without photos.
I need a night where I end up in a bar and meet someone of the Old telling me about life and love. A night with wine and instrument in hand. A night where everything changes for the better. A night where everything I want to be in life becomes invincible.
A night where I look up at the stars while lying in the middle of the street and talk of how everything is connected. Me, you, the bees and the trees. The stars.
I want to get my hair dirty and my soul clean. . . all at the same time.
I want to know what it feels like to fully live again. Sing alongs, clapping, dancing. Baking, tapping, screaming. Holding, punching, loving. Eating, drinking, smiling. Living
I want to go back home, now.
xx
Ramble. Rambles. Ramble. And honesty.
None of these are really gonna be related to one another. That's what I love about rambles. An entire paragraph of my writing could be about like 10 different things and you'd never know. It could sound like they're related but they almost never are.
Rambles.
I had a dream this afternoon that I was hanging out with Aaron and he decided that it had been long enough. I've been too cooped up and have spent long enough being stupid. I couldn't have agreed more. He also decided that it had been too long since I had seen Jeremy and his family so he took me over there. The whole time of the dream I felt unnaturally nervous and embarrassed which is how I feel whenever I'm around people I love that I haven't given enough attention to.
I remember vividly though thinking how beautiful everyone was, inhumanly stunning. Everyone was but there were no mirrors around so I couldn't see if I was beautiful too. I just had to trust that I was too. I remember Jeremy sitting next to me and after a very long time, he patted my head and pulled out a snack for us to share. I remember his Mom looking at me face-to-face and being angry with me for leaving them for so long. I also remember waiting for Kristen, his sister, to come downstairs but she never did. The never-ending anticipation for something wonderful, it never ended. I've felt that way about a lot of people lately.
I have no hate in my world, just understanding/love/&time.
Have you ever been so worried that others were going to ditch you that you left them before they could leave you? Yeah, it's like that. I was going to apologize but I don't have to. Most people would anyways out of common courtesy but I don't want to. If I don't have to apologize then whats the point? An empty apology is worse than no apology.
I've been grabbing at air for months now. Kicking the empty space and kissing silence. Holding hands with paper and looking for support from broken wood. I've taken my heart out and stared at it, shook it, and questioned it motives. It only told me so much, like a recipe without photos.
I need a night where I end up in a bar and meet someone of the Old telling me about life and love. A night with wine and instrument in hand. A night where everything changes for the better. A night where everything I want to be in life becomes invincible.
A night where I look up at the stars while lying in the middle of the street and talk of how everything is connected. Me, you, the bees and the trees. The stars.
I want to get my hair dirty and my soul clean. . . all at the same time.
I want to know what it feels like to fully live again. Sing alongs, clapping, dancing. Baking, tapping, screaming. Holding, punching, loving. Eating, drinking, smiling. Living
I want to go back home, now.
xx