I'm kicking it back, because it's important, to when I was younger and everything made sense, kinda.
More sense than everything does now.
When my biggest problems in life were making sure I hair-sprayed my Pomp enough so it wouldn't lose shape, making sure I had enough bobby pins to put Victory Rolls in my hair, making sure I had enough money to dye to my hair, and making sure that no matter what I always got my spooky fix.
I remember my old black cardigan, I had Frankenstein on one side and his Bride on the other. Facing each other when I buttoned it up. Skulls hair clips. Winged eyeliner. Dirty converse and red lips.
Growing up sucks a dick. So I'm pulling the plug. Opening the cage. Letting my hair down.
I'm realizing now that I don't need to give up what makes me happy to be happy. I love spooky things. Halloween. Psychobilly. Ghosts and witches. I didn't think any of that would fit in with who I wanted to become but if becoming that person means I have to let go of my zombies and my Frankenstein cardigan. . .
then that person can fuck off.
I miss my friends. I miss smoking cigarettes at "Lover's Lane" while blasting the Horrorpops, on repeat. I miss taking an hour to get ready because that meant I took care of myself. I miss going to shows and dancing. I miss driving around listening to The Rocketz while looking at the rich houses, wondering what it looks like inside. I miss going to the casino in the middle of the night just to get a cup of bad coffee because its all we could afford.
Nothing and no one make sense anymore. I don't get anyone like I used to.
It sucks but I think. . . everything will be okay. Sooner or later. I can dig this because as long as everyone is okay then I'm okay.
Spending so much of my time completely alone hasn't been the most exhilarating experience, lots of sitting and singing and watching, but I really needed it. Its made me realize somewhat of what I want to do and what I don't need to do.
I want to make films. I want to sing. I want to drink wine with dinner. I don't want to be DJ. I don't need to learn to spin. I don't want to work on any films right now at this time in my life.
But I do want to sing. I do want to sit here and listen to the Horrorpops and daydream and text my best friend Kumar, the only person who I could never let go of. She's my other half. Because I'm 20 years old, I don't know where to start even if I did I wouldn't know what to do yet but I'm 20. I'm going to listen to the HPs and I'll be damned if anyone is going to make me do otherwise tonight.
"Because you really CAN do anything you want. Life is beautiful." - Mr. Brainwash and Me.
xx
More sense than everything does now.
When my biggest problems in life were making sure I hair-sprayed my Pomp enough so it wouldn't lose shape, making sure I had enough bobby pins to put Victory Rolls in my hair, making sure I had enough money to dye to my hair, and making sure that no matter what I always got my spooky fix.
I remember my old black cardigan, I had Frankenstein on one side and his Bride on the other. Facing each other when I buttoned it up. Skulls hair clips. Winged eyeliner. Dirty converse and red lips.
Growing up sucks a dick. So I'm pulling the plug. Opening the cage. Letting my hair down.
I'm realizing now that I don't need to give up what makes me happy to be happy. I love spooky things. Halloween. Psychobilly. Ghosts and witches. I didn't think any of that would fit in with who I wanted to become but if becoming that person means I have to let go of my zombies and my Frankenstein cardigan. . .
then that person can fuck off.
I miss my friends. I miss smoking cigarettes at "Lover's Lane" while blasting the Horrorpops, on repeat. I miss taking an hour to get ready because that meant I took care of myself. I miss going to shows and dancing. I miss driving around listening to The Rocketz while looking at the rich houses, wondering what it looks like inside. I miss going to the casino in the middle of the night just to get a cup of bad coffee because its all we could afford.
Nothing and no one make sense anymore. I don't get anyone like I used to.
It sucks but I think. . . everything will be okay. Sooner or later. I can dig this because as long as everyone is okay then I'm okay.
Spending so much of my time completely alone hasn't been the most exhilarating experience, lots of sitting and singing and watching, but I really needed it. Its made me realize somewhat of what I want to do and what I don't need to do.
I want to make films. I want to sing. I want to drink wine with dinner. I don't want to be DJ. I don't need to learn to spin. I don't want to work on any films right now at this time in my life.
But I do want to sing. I do want to sit here and listen to the Horrorpops and daydream and text my best friend Kumar, the only person who I could never let go of. She's my other half. Because I'm 20 years old, I don't know where to start even if I did I wouldn't know what to do yet but I'm 20. I'm going to listen to the HPs and I'll be damned if anyone is going to make me do otherwise tonight.
"Because you really CAN do anything you want. Life is beautiful." - Mr. Brainwash and Me.
xx
holidayorphanx:
