So... today, like many or most others before it, in a moment that was quiet at work, I was struck by an incredibly low feeling of dispair and being physically misplaced, lost, in the wrong place. I have this feeling quite a bit, though especially when things are hard. Without thinking about it, I always say aloud something to the tune of "fuck, I just want to go home". Yet that is the thing of it. I have never once felt peacibly at home anywhere I have ever lived or been. Everywhere is just a place I can be for a short while. Never my own safe place to call home. Nothing permanent or safe or secure or HOME. So I also have no real concept of what I can or should consider home, yet that is the one place I want to be... or find. It is an immeasurably hollow, slightly fearful, always sad... though sad doesnt quite fit the feeling entirely either. Anyone understand this?
