So today was the final day of the Spring Semester, it's been a long one so everyone is happy that it's over. I woke up this morning, finished my last final, and turned it in. As I left my house this morning I noticed how many people were packing to leave, and the cacophony of tearful but cheerful goodbyes that floated around everywhere made me wonder about the people that I know in the area.
After I had established my summer plans and secured my employment I returned to the apartments that I live in. I contacted those that I knew were leaving and inquired about sending them off and saying goodbye, but they had already left , all but one anyway but we will come back to that.
Those that I had helped, made time for no matter what, cooked for, listened to through all of their crazy dramatic semi-catastrophic life events (you know, the kind that happen right out of high school or when you first get to college.) Had all had their fun goodbyes and little parties... and no one had said a word to me. Not one.
The last person here is someone I nearly had a relationship with. There were supposedly a lot of mutual feelings but circumstances weren't in my favor. Since she is a neighbor I happened to pass her while I was walking Zora. She was carrying on and enjoying herself and I offered a smile and a few moments of conversation. Her friends were saying their farewells and there were hugs and laughter and maybe a few rounds of beer as I spent some time sitting out in front of the apartments.
Time to go, she hugs all of her friends, shares a few laughs and makes plans. I know these people too, some of them at any rate. No one spoke a word to me. As they all walked away I stood with Zora and thought to myself "No one?" As she got in her car I turned to leave, no hugs for me, no laughter or "see you next year", I got a glance. Suddenly she said "bye Sean" just as she closed her door. She did not wait to hear a reply or any well wishes.
I do not have friends. I have people who know I exist. Today is a rare day. I am always happy because I choose to be happy, because there isn't enough time in the world to be mad, or to be sad, or to do anything but to laugh and to help other people laugh. Today I am sad. I cannot help it.
