Its almost 3:30 in the morning.. and here I am sitting up when I have to work in a matter of hours.. contemplating why I feel so lost in my own life. Its such a weird feeling to me. Ive always been the kind of person who was so strong and independent. Ive always known exactly what I wanted, and been happy with the choices that Ive made. So why now, at 20 years old, after practically raising myself, am I feeling like I need somebody? Anybody. I feel like there are so few people, if any people at all that I can actually depend on should I ever need anything.
My best friend lives 200 miles away, my parents and brother live 200 miles away. I dont have a boyfriend, I dont know who my real friends are, and Im going to school for.. what? I dont even know. I have no idea what happening in my life.
I feel like Im working constantly, and I have absolutely nothing to show for it. And I dont mean flashy things and lots of money.. just.. I feel empty. And as stupid as that sounds.. thats how I feel.
So now Im just stuck in this phase where I feel like all the people I cant depend on are in control of my life. Im waiting for them to come around, waiting on everybody else to make me feel better, or maybe feel anything but the way Im feeling now. And I hate feeling like I need someone. Its nobodys task but my own to make me happy.
I hate feeling like I have nobody to talk to, because I feel like Im going to be a burden. People have problems of their own to deal with, they dont need mine to worry about.
But everybody has a breaking point.
And I think Ive reached mine.
My best friend lives 200 miles away, my parents and brother live 200 miles away. I dont have a boyfriend, I dont know who my real friends are, and Im going to school for.. what? I dont even know. I have no idea what happening in my life.
I feel like Im working constantly, and I have absolutely nothing to show for it. And I dont mean flashy things and lots of money.. just.. I feel empty. And as stupid as that sounds.. thats how I feel.
So now Im just stuck in this phase where I feel like all the people I cant depend on are in control of my life. Im waiting for them to come around, waiting on everybody else to make me feel better, or maybe feel anything but the way Im feeling now. And I hate feeling like I need someone. Its nobodys task but my own to make me happy.
I hate feeling like I have nobody to talk to, because I feel like Im going to be a burden. People have problems of their own to deal with, they dont need mine to worry about.
But everybody has a breaking point.
And I think Ive reached mine.
VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
leannan:
of course i'd accept you, silly 
lusteye:
AWWW Werewolf!! that was fun! I wish someone got pictures of that. It was great meeting you at the Camping trip. I had soo much fun!! 