gersguy

Just was reminded of Kenny. I didn't call or write his wife on April 1st like I have done for the last seven years. She gave me his Les Paul Custom Silverburst his favorite guitar of all time, her name was Suzy. When she met me and gave me Suzy in two years ago she couldn't hold the tears back. I had wrote her a letter that arrived on April 1st every year since Kenny shot himself. Kenny and I were close and he had been my inspiration for playing the guitar. We had met in 1995 because we worked together. We had similar interest in cars and music. Oh yeah before I go any further Kenny was anorexic. Depression because of the disease is what killed him. Any ways I was at band practice in Johns Dad's basement when my Father called me. He told me that Kenny was dead and he had killed himself. My Father and I weren't really talking much at that point in time of my life. I think he felt bad for me and thought he should be the one to tell me. When he told me I ran downstairs and shut my amps down, told John and Ty what had happen and left. Got inside of my 1971 Buick and left to go to Kenny's house. I thought maybe it was a mistake. No lights were on. The next day I had talked more to his wife and she told me how it was done. Kenny had driven out at night to the place along side the river where he and his wife went on their first date. Sat on the park bench and blew his brains out. I had lost Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles, but never a friend to a self inflicted gun shot wound. The funeral was unlike any thing I had attend up to that point. When I arrived they had just started playing Home Sweet Home by Motley Crue, his favorite song. A song if you listen to the lyrics gave a roadmap and explanations on why suicide was a way out. We had some great times and I really enjoyed his friendship. He deeply loved his wife and his friends. She after a month had given me his entire collection of guitar magazines which I have read every single one and tried to play all the music in them. Back to the guitar. When she gave me the guitar I held her and told her at anytime in her life if she wanted it back to just call me. I would be on a plane to get it too her. She told me that this was the last thing that she had of Kenny's that reminded her of him enough were she would break down and cry every time she saw it. I love it and play it like he did. It still has the same strings on it believe it or not. I can play hard and none of them have broken. It stays in tune all the time and sounds unlike anything else. Never really understood why a eating disorder could bring someone down like it did too Kenny, but after a lot of thinking there were signs. There is no way that I could have seen it coming.

I guess what I am trying to say is don't blame yourself because someone who is serous about suicide should work as a spy because they are good usually at hiding it. Those who just want attention are the ones who usually make the news because they really didn't mean to finish it.

It wasn't until several years ago when I heard Social D's When the Angles Sing that I understood why. Mike Ness has a simplicity about his lyrics that just will jump out at you and make you say, "Yeah that's it. He said it." For me the words that explained his death the best are, "Life And Death Don't Mean A Thing Till The Angels Sing." Now you guys have seen me write that phrase down like a hundred times and now you know why it means so much.

Hopefully this post wasn't too long, but after reading ENOLAB 's journal it brought Kenny back to me and what I've gone though. I moved to Baltimore that fall of 97. I think a lot of it was his death and how I reacted. It made me realize that my family was there and a few friends but the whole world was out there.

We loose them hard and young, but we never loose it all.

miss you still ken.