genevieve

Oaky so it like really snowed...twice...christmas was great...well for the most part...i should be more thankful of the fact that i got a pretty good christmas...i got to spend good time with family anfd friends...i got time with j's family which. love me, and love Lyric...it was good...But then justin has to go and ruin it for me. maybe i;m asking too much...but i never complain if he wants to go out any other time of the year..i dont have a problem with it/ And he doesnt go out any other time its not my fault either. But christmas? I wanted christmas dammit. I wanted it all. the whole day. What did i ge? Shafted in the end. he went out. Went out to a bar. To see his friend. I just. I dont know. I'm not happy. It pissed me off. I just wanted christmas. thats all. I shared with family and friends. And i wanted christmas to my self. So he leaves. I'm very upfront in the fact that i want him ot stay. That i will be upset with him if he leaves. Does it make one bit of difference? Nope. Left anyway. And he uses all of my beliefs against me. Knows that i cant stand it to leave or say goodbye without saying "I love you." I need to make sure that the people i love know it in case soemthing hapens. weird and paranoid i know, but, thats a thing about me. so he makes sure i say it. I dont want to say it. I dont want him to fel absolved in any way. But he makes me say it. He says it first. I wait, say it back, then say, "I hope thats enough consolation for you."

I love him. Why cant he see that. Why cant he understand why i want what i want.

Why christmas?