genevieve

Its so hit or miss with me this last week. I start to feel a little better and the dizziness subsides and I start to think i could go back to work, and then a heavy spell hits and i have to go lie down. Why? Why didnt either doctor try to find the cause of the vertigo as opposed to just treating the symptoms? And these anti-dizzy, anti-nausea, anti-anxiety (XANAX) meds just knock me out. How am i supposed to work and function this way?

Even worse, I asked my mother for help. I asked her to bring me to my appointment and the day of she's too loaded to drive, so my dad has to drive me. I ignore her for two days until i get a sober voicemail from her and tell her that I refuse to talk to her when she's loaded. She apologizes and tells me that she knows she went too far and promises she wont do it again. I tell her that I'm scared and I dont like being alone feeling this way, (sometimes i black in and out and can't see), and she comes over. She's sober when I talk to her on the phone and sober when she shows up. I fall asleep on the sofa and I wake up to her loaded on my sofa! WTF Why can't she fucking get it? Why does she have to keep torturing me? So i lecture her for about an hour and tell her that I cant talk to her if she's going to behave this way. And tell her that I wont talk to her if she behaves this way again. She sobers up and promises me that she will stop and not put me through this anymore. She goes home and calls me an hour later...loaded...slurring..



i hang up on her. i cant get my own mother to pick me, even a sickly me, over drugs...